Tempted to Take a Break from Weight Loss But Afraid of What Will Happen? – In Session with Marc David

Tempted to Take a Break from Weight Loss But Afraid of What Will Happen? –In Session with Marc David

Marc David
Welcome, everybody, I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. We’re in the Psychology of Eating Podcast and I’m with Stephanie today. Welcome, Stephanie.

Stephanie
Hi, Marc!

Marc David
Hi. So let me just say a few words, if people are listening in who are new to the podcast, Stephanie and I are meeting for the first time, and we’re going to see if we can do a good bit of work together. So Stephanie, if you can wave your magic wand and get whatever you want, with food and body, what would that be for you?

Stephanie
I think a sense of liberation, and to be free of the thoughts that held me back either physically within my body or in general with a healthy lifestyle.

Marc David
Ok, so a sense of freedom, a sense of no limits and what would that look like for you, in terms of exactly what you would be doing? Like, how would your day be different?

Stephanie
I think the day itself wouldn’t look much differently as I’ve been on a health and wellbeing journey for a number of years now. But it’s more around the thoughts within myself and what I can achieve, and the fears that are linked to actually managing my own health, wellbeing, and weight issues, which have dominated most of my life. Without the feeling that maybe I can’t do this alone, I’ve got to use something else, I’m distracted, looking at lots of different types of health information and what I should be doing for the best. And just trying to have that sense of control within myself that I’m fully self accepting, and fully self loving of me. And, you know, I can accept that maybe maybe weight fluctuates without actually beating myself up. And I know what is a healthy medium average for my body, which is something I’ve never learned as yet. And I’m quite content with that within myself.

Marc David
So just, I’m just noticing, so you’re mentioning weight and you’re talking about health. So other than weight, if we took weight off the table for a minute. How’s your health?

Stephanie
Yeah, it’s relatively, okay, I’m quite active, I’m not as energetic as previous years being 47 now I know the hormones are starting to change, I’m noticing that I didn’t feel as fit when I’m gearing up for a Race for Life I was quite breathless and quite tired, and different forms of exercise I don’t feel able to do as much anymore, like heavy cardio, so I tend to stick to yoga and stretching. But I have noticed in myself that muscle tone is is depleting so I look at the changes and it affects how I feel. So when I think of overall health, it always then comes back to how I feel in myself no matter whether I feel relatively healthy or not.

Marc David
So you said you’ve been dealing with weight issues for a long time. How long?

Stephanie
I’ve been yo-yo dieting in slimming clubs since I was a teenager so not dissimilar to a lot of women that you talk to that started early years. So have been subjected to a lot of conditioning and external forces society norms and expectations and family patterns of dieting within slimming clubs. So dieting for a while, maintaining for a while, putting the weight on, not a huge amount, say one or two stone and then going back on the bandwagon of the slimming clubs again. So I made a conscious decision last year to come away from slimming clubs and focus really on my health and well being more from a mindset point of view, which I’ve you know, explored in great detail with Brene Brown Gifts of Imperfection and Kristin Neff around self compassion, you know really fantastic tools that I’ve needed for myself. And in the meantime, I’ve come away from weighing myself, eat relatively healthy, and then I made the mistake of weighing myself last week and I think I’ve put a stone on in the last year. So that then triggers me to think, can I do this on my own and what do I need to do to overcome this conditioned fear within me around weight gain?

Marc David
Hmm. That’s a billion dollar question. What can I do to overcome the conditioning of the fear of weight gain? You know, I think there’s probably lots of good answers to that question and I actually think it’s an important question, I’m glad you’re asking it because we’re conditioned from a very young age, you started when you were young. So you started looking at your weight when you were young and you didn’t come out of the womb thinking that or believing that. That’s been, that’s how you’ve been educated. That’s how you’ve been conditioned by the world. That’s what you’ve been taught by the world. So when we’re constantly getting those messages, it’s not easy to undo those messages. It just isn’t. Because it’s been part of our upbringing, since we were young. And since probably even before we can remember that we’re being asked to be somebody else in order to be lovable and acceptable to others around us. So you got to look different to be lovable, and acceptable to all the other people and then at some point, we think, Oh, my goodness, I have to be looking different to be lovable and acceptable to me. So I think that’s where the action is. We can’t control what other people think.

Stephanie
Yeah, and that’s something I’ve really come on a journey with, you know, recognizing that seeking of validation, and external influences actually validating that I was okay as I was, which I never ever got that feedback. And then the journeys taken me on to me now knowing I am enough, you know, I am loved and I am lovable. And I’ve got those qualities about me that are unique, however, trying to uncondition myself around the weight issues, when I’ve done it for so long it’s hard, as you say, and the scales are a trigger, so I try to stay away from them but then it upsets me when it still makes me feel in a certain way like it’s got a certain power over me.

Marc David
Yes, yes. So when you feel like you get triggered, I’m interested. Let me take a step back. Is there anybody out there that you think if you lost X amount of weight, and you weigh exactly what you want to weigh? Do you ever think to yourself, oh, this person, or these people, or this group of people will accept and love me more? Like who would approve of you more out there?

Stephanie
Not anymore. And that’s because of the intense self development work I’ve done on myself in the last year but if you would have asked me that two years ago, I might have said family members, friends, husband, and external people in society would appreciate and respect and find attractive somebody who was like size 10 to 12. And that would have been my perception back then. I don’t think that anymore, but I still don’t know what an ideal frame is for me. I know we’re all unique and I look around and I see everybody is unique, but I’m still trying to find where to why kinds of balance out because if I don’t look after my health, I’m just putting more weight on each year.

Marc David
Okay, so you said if you don’t look after your health, you just end up putting more and more weight on each year. Tell me specifically what that looks like for you. Like how do you think the weight comes on?

Stephanie
I think it would be mindless eating instead of mindful eating. I work at home a lot these days and it is a conscious effort to have an exercise routine and a self care routine that is easy to stick to. My husband works shifts so one week is different to the next week, I have a young daughter so a lot of things work around her. And then if there’s a lot of sugary things, or snacks in the house, I can snack on those, maybe through the day or in the evening times, mindlessly. And then it used to be but not so much anymore if when I was on diets, you know, kind of go bit crazy at the weekends and over consume, which I understand why that is. That doesn’t happen as much anymore. And maybe late night snacking as well, which I’ve cut back now. Yeah, so that’s probably it really.

Marc David
So first of all, sounds like you’ve done a lot of great work on yourself and you’ve hit certain wonderful targets in your life in terms of Okay, so now I’m less concerned, or unconcerned, even what other people think, or what I’m imagining their thinking, or how I think judging me.

Stephanie
Yeah, that’s gone.

Marc David
Yeah. So, how long have you been married?

Stephanie
Since 2009?

Marc David
Alright! How does your husband feel about your body?

Stephanie
It doesn’t verbalize much.

Marc David
So what do you think?

Stephanie
It’s hard to know exactly. Maybe he hasn’t got an opinion. Most men I know, prefer a slimmer version, and a younger looking version in my opinion, but I may be wrong.

Marc David
So you don’t really know because he doesn’t say?

Stephanie
No.

Marc David
And you’re not quite sure? You ever thought to ask him?

Stephanie
To be honest, he can’t do right for doing wrong. He used to try and support me when I was going to the slimming clubs, asking how I got on and I got to the stage where I said, Just don’t ask me the question because it just becomes a trigger and I believe you mustn’t like me the way I am, because you’re asking me whether I’ve lost weight, so it becomes a bit of a vicious circle. So I’m thinking he tries to stay silent.

Marc David
Yes, I could imagine that scenario because in your mind, understandably, this situation is more complex. In his mind, he just wants you to be happy. So if you’re choosing to go to the slimming club, and the point of going to the slimming club is to get slimmer than the logical masculine mind says, Okay, are you getting slimmer?

Stephanie
Yeah, he can’t win.

Marc David
No. So..

Stephanie
And it’s not actually even about what he thinks. I know, the issue is within me, it’s inside. Because, you know, we’ve been through quite a lot. And I think no matter what size I would be, you know, we’ve got quite a strong marriage and a strong future and goals that we share together. So I do know the issue is within me from the conditioning I’ve had for many, many years.

Marc David
Are your parents still alive?

Stephanie
Yeah.

Marc David
How old is your mom?

Stephanie
She’s 70.

Marc David
How’s her relationship with her weight?

Stephanie
She’s had the same issues as me. So I followed in her footsteps of the slimming clubs. She’s come away from them now since she started coming to my well being group that I set up. So I think she’s listening to the same messages now that actually, it can be a bit more damaging than helpful if it’s not approached in the in the right way. So she tries to be as active as healthy as you can. But I know she struggles with weight.

Marc David
How old is your daughter?

Stephanie
She’s eight.

Marc David
She’s eight. Okay. If she came to you and said, Mommy, I’m not happy with my weight. I’m not happy with how I look. Yeah, I don’t like this. I want to go to a slimming club. What would you say to her?

Stephanie
That would just be a big red flag and a trigger for me. Actually, it’s so funny because we had this conversation with my mom when I was working through this particular time, and I don’t resent her anymore at all for what we did in the younger years. She actually asked me that question. So what would you do if your child was overweight and you know needs or wanted that support And I was quite defensive and I said, well, a, I didn’t ask for that, I didn’t ask for the help. I think what I would do is try and role model what a healthy lifestyle looks like and say to her, you’re perfectly fine as you are exactly as you are. But if you want to improve your health, your well being and your fitness, I can help to support you with that.

Marc David
I love that wisdom.

Stephanie
That’s what I’d say to her.

Marc David
Right? Because you love her and you care about her, and you want the best for her. Does that advice work for you?

Stephanie
Well, I’ve never had anyone say that to me. So I have to, like, this is the thing, isn’t it? In my journey, it’s practicing, saying that to myself over and over and over again you know, until it becomes a belief. So I do know that and you know, I journal every day and I’ve got lots and lots of notes that I make and as I say, I’ve got a wellbeing group where we talk about it, discuss it with friends. It’s just hard when it’s been, you know, I’m 47 now, I suppose I’ve been on that dieting journey since, you know, 15 or 16. And so to come away from it for one year, you know, it’s quite you know, brave for me to do that in one way but it’s also quite a scary thing to do, to do it on my own and then get this trigger of weight gain. And think, okay, I’m at the cusp, which way do I go?

Marc David
Okay, so I’m glad we’re having this conversation at this time and I’m glad you use the term you know, you’re sort of at a cusp because I think it’s true for you, like now is a time to have a shift in perception. And it doesn’t mean that everything’s gonna get better overnight. Here’s the thing that I want to counsel you about being cautious about. And that is having the goal called, I fully love and accept my body. And I just wake up in the morning, and I look in the mirror, and I’m just like, this is great. And then I’m taking great care of myself, and I’m doing healthy habits and that’s what I do. And I’m not doing the unhealthy ones ie overeating, or mindlessly eating, or eating unmindfully. I would love to see you take that pressure off yourself and be more of an imperfect human being. Because we don’t necessarily fully love and accept unconditionally 100% most anything and everything, maybe your child. So that’s a good sort of reference point, to really see what that means. But other than that, we’re very human. You love your husband, your husband loves you and there’s things about each other that, you know, you wish you could probably change or you wish was a little different but that doesn’t get in the way. You don’t have to do all this work unnecessarily and say to yourself, I need to accept my husband 100% always, in every way. Like no! You know what you got, you know what you’re dealing with, and you also know where the foundation is. So you know there’s a foundation there and the foundation that you have with him just supersedes everything else.

So I think in part, what you’re looking for, is a foundation with yourself. But the foundation isn’t “I’ve created all these great healthy habits and I don’t deviate and I unconditionally love and accept myself”. Sure, that’s a great goal. But then every time you’re not unconditionally loving and accepting yourself, you think, well, I’m not good enough here, I’m not getting where I want to go or I gotta work harder. And I really am happy that you work on yourself. I think that’s a constant. Good practice as a human being to just become our best self so that takes some work. Paradoxically, at the same time, it takes a lot of letting go.

Stephanie
Oh yeah!

Marc David
And it’s the letting go part that I’m most interested in for you as opposed to the doing work on myself part. So you’re going to still do work on yourself but I want to see you balance that out of having times where you can just be in the practice called and now, this body is enough. I think what’s happening is you’re trying to find your foundation. Tell me again, you said 46, or 47?

Stephanie
47

Marc David
Okay, so at age 47, you’re trying to find your foundation, great age to find that, because the late 40s, hitting 50, I think is a very powerful transition time for a woman or man, We’re stepping into our royal archetype, you’re stepping into your queen, your womanhood, your sovereignty, your ownership of your life and your body like never before. And part of being Queen means you sit on your throne. And you’re clear about what your value is. Your value is who you are. Your value is the love that you have to give. Your value is you’re a great mother, your value is you’re a great partner. Your value is you’re a good friend. Your value is how you care and love and treat people in the gifts you give to your world. That’s your value.

My guess is nobody really other than you. Nobody really cares about your weight. Nobody really cares. Nobody’s staying up at night. If I got to have a conversation with your husband, my guess is when I would say to him, What do you want for Stephanie? He would say, I just want her to be happy. Yeah. He just wants you to show him now. Husband, here I am. I’m all happy. I feel good about myself he’d be very happy

Stephanie
To be a happy wife, not a nagging wife.

Marc David
Certainly no nagging against yourself! So my guess is that’s what he wants for you. And I think at this stage, the work to do if you’re going to do actual work on getting to the place of more self acceptance, and a healthier relationship with your body. That happens by you doing things that help you be in your body in a way that makes you happy to be here. So I get just a little concerned with your relationship with the word health. There’s a little concern. Here’s what I mean. Of course, we all want to be healthy, I want to be healthy. But when I say healthy, and anybody else’s healthy everybody thinks different things. Because some people think healthy means you eat a vegetarian diet. Some people think healthy means you eat a lot of meat. Some people think healthy means you’re like running six miles a day. Some people think healthy means you eat a certain way you exercise a certain way you have a certain weight. You do certain practices. I know you definitely include a healthy attitude. You’ve talked about that. You mentioned that. And I think there’s there’s a part of your brain that thinks if I have more weight, I’m less healthy.

Stephanie
Yeah. Also, factually, well, that’s what we’re told, isn’t it? My BMI even 2 stone lighter told me I was overweight!

Marc David
Yes, so BMI is an antiquated measure of anything useful. So it does us no good. It’s just an ancient, outdated method to assess anything I’m going to just give you like in less than 30 seconds tell you that the science is very ambiguous about health and weight. Here’s the reality. The reason why it’s ambiguous is because in its extremes, too much weight or too little weight in its extremes are going to cause health issues. But there’s a huge middle ground. Whereas it turns out when you actually dig into the research, people who are quote unquote, overweight or who quote unquote, don’t have a good BMI, they’re healthy. Yeah. They live as long as they have, and they live as healthy as their slender counterparts. So, you know, my parents had fine weight, for them, and they were relatively satisfied, and they both died before they hit 60 of cancer. So you can have like great weight, and that doesn’t guarantee you great health. So all I’m saying is that there’s a lot of weight bias in science that clouds our minds, because science, like all humans, science is just composed of a group of human beings. We, the collective we, have a lot of weight hate, we have a lot of judgment around weight, and it clouds our actual understanding of what the issues are really, that’s going on. So to me, if you want to be healthy, you do what you said that you would tell your daughter, I can help you be healthy by focusing on healthy habits. By focusing on healthy things to do and healthy ways of thinking and being and being in the world. Yeah, that’s what we know brings health.

Stephanie
Yeah, definitely. And that’s definitely what I’ve seen in the last year, I get pulled and distracted I’ve even just has a new book, delivered to me today by Dr. Mark Hyman, The Blood Sugar Detox. So you know, I get pulled and distracted into this way of thinking and messages from professionals about health and well being, you know, getting attached to it.

Marc David
Yeah. So there’s a lot of information out there. And a lot of it is contradictory. And you can be reading books for the rest of your life. I’m glad you do. And it’s time to, I think, give your brain a little bit of relaxation, not have to figure anything out and start to live in your body without trying to fix anything. And give yourself that opportunity to have that experience. The experience called just like you said to your daughter, or like you would say to your daughter if she came to say, hey, it’s all good, big hug. love this body. No issues, no problems. And you want to do healthy things. Great. Let’s talk about it. So it’s you learning to do something that you didn’t have the opportunity to learn in the past, which was to just be a person who lives in her body and goes about her business without trying to change anything to please anybody, including yourself. Well, oh my God, but if I do that, I’m gonna I’m gonna gain weight. Okay, let’s see. Let’s learn to trust yourself. Of course, you know that you want to be present when you eat. Great! That’s a practice. But your life doesn’t depend on it. Here you are, you’re relatively healthy. I asked you, you told me you’re relatively healthy person. Congratulations, you’re 47 and you’re relatively healthy. So clearly, you’ve been doing something right? Because you’re relatively healthy. And all the little challenges you described to me around your health is typical of any person who’s in their 40s. So their late 40s Yeah, I don’t have as much energy. I don’t have as much muscle tone. I’m not as great an exerciser as I used to be like, welcome to The Club. This is this what happens to everybody. There’s nothing wrong with you. So I think, your next step here, I think the inflection point is stop trying to fix anything. Nothing is broken. There’s nothing to fix. You’re bettering yourself. We’re all bettering yourself. We’re all learning. We’re lifelong learners. Just because your daughter doesn’t know how to drive a car doesn’t mean she’s broken. She hasn’t learned it yet. Just because she doesn’t know how to speak French doesn’t mean she’s broken. She hasn’t learned it yet. She might not be good at math. Well, you haven’t learned it yet.

Stephanie
Yeah, I think I heard that phrase that you can fully accept yourself but you can still want to improve. So that’s stuck in my head, this journey that I’m on. Yeah, I can totally accept myself as I am but is there a need then do I need to improve something? And I think I’ve attached to that I’m not just accepting or just being, I’m still on a quest to improve.

Marc David
Yes. So it’s it’s a little bit of a paradox, because we’re always on a quest to improve, but part of that quest to improve is being able to sit back and go, ah,

Stephanie
that’s part of it. Yeah.

Marc David
Yeah. Because, you know, we got to sleep at night. So you’re not doing self improvement at night. And it’s good to have times during the day when you’re not doing self improvement you’re just doing yourself. You’re just being you, you’re being a mother, you’re being a friend, you’re being a wife, you’re being a partner, you’re being the person that does your work and relates with your co workers, whatever it is. And in those moments, there’s nothing to fix. Because there’s nothing wrong. Because you’re just learning and growing. So that’s the next perceptual shift is putting it into practice. Of I’m having times during the day when I’m recognizing it’s just time to be me. I think what happens is, there’s a stress that builds up for you, because you think you have to get to a certain place.

Stephanie
Or I’m out of control in some area that needs reigning in or something.

Marc David
Exactly! Because something bad is gonna happen. And the bad thing is I’m going to gain more weight. So that’s why weighing yourself as a trigger, because the big bad boogeyman that you can’t really see is “You’re going to gain weight!” That’s the Boogeyman. That’s the big fear. So if you get on the scale, and you gain weight, see my fear came true. And I’m worrying if I didn’t do enough things.

Stephanie
I mean, I’ve really not focused on the weight at all this this year, but it kind of perpetuated that fear and I thought oh, I’ll just see, and as you say, Oh there you go, then – not just a couple of pounds, but a whole stone!

Marc David
Yes. So that to me, let’s use that as good material for learning the lesson called time to drop into even more self connection and self trust, is learning to your foundation means being able to feel at home in your body. feeling at home in your body means trusting your body. Like your body has gotten you this far. You have love in your life. Your mom, You have enough money, You’re surviving. There’s good things happening for you. So according to your track record, good things happen. We can assume good things will continue to happen. And good things continuing to happen are not dependent on you eating a certain way looking a certain way weighing a certain way. Yes, you have your preference. Yeah, you want to eat thoughtfully, for sure. But your life doesn’t depend on it, your survival doesn’t depend on it. Your love ability doesn’t depend on it. So instead of focusing on, on fixing anything, I think the focus, it would be great to focus on just literally feeling at home in your body. And everyday doing something even for five minutes. That helps you feel, Ah, I’m at home in my body. It could just mean sitting on the couch and taking some deep breaths for a few minutes and playing some music. And just say, Oh, this is me sitting here being in my body. I don’t have to change anything. Giving your body the signal “you don’t have to be different” because there’s this part of you that’s active almost 24 hours a day even when you’re sleeping. That’s something’s got to be different. That something’s got to be different. Something’s got to be different causes a lot of stress. When we have excess stress, we’re going to try to relieve that stress. How do we try to relieve that stress? One of the most common ways is to eat so a lot of times if you find yourself turning to food when you wish you weren’t it’s often to escape your body, to escape emotions to escape something that’s uncomfortable. What’s uncomfortable is you’re not feeling good enough. You don’t really love and accept yourself. You can’t relax for a moment your body can’t relax, because your body has been getting the message. Understandably, it’s been programmed into you the message that you’ve got to change.

Stephanie
Yeah. It’s not enough just to be.

Marc David
So it’s learning how to just be in his body and even if this was a reality TV show, and if I was getting $10 million to help you lose weight, like sustainably long term, not just like putting you on like a fast. What I would do to win $10 million is I would have you spend five or six months, just focusing on embodying just focusing on being in your body and not trying to change anything. And loving on your body and doing things that make your body feel good. Taking a walk, doing some breathing, not doing anything for your body that is indicative of weight loss. Well, I got to take this exercise class, because gonna make me fit. No, take a class if it feels like it works for your body. And I know, you said you started doing that more but even when you’re doing any kind of yoga or anything the purpose is not to change your body. The purpose is to be in it. To go, Ah! this is me being in my body. That’s where transformation happens when you land in your body.

Stephanie
Yeah, definitely. I mean, I had the realization not long ago that obviously if we suffer with a lot of self critical thoughts. Maybe not as much anymore but I have done, and I have had the realization that if you were to talk that way to a child it’s a form of abuse. So actually, to speak nicely about the body that I’ve got and appreciate the body that I’ve got, and actually give it some form of positive praise is something that I need to do. And, you know, that was a realization I came to, but it’s the implementation of it, and it’s like the two sides pulling.

Marc David
Yes. So the implementation of it, it’s a practice, it’s not a perfect. And it means setting aside some time every day to do something where you’re being in your body in a way that gives you pleasure that makes you feel good. Where you’re saying to yourself, This is my moment, to love and enjoy this body and be in this body. And you know what body? You don’t have to change? Then you’re giving yourself the signal, the message, the love that you didn’t get when you were young. Because there’s a part of you that’s still that teenager that got the message – this body is not good enough, we got to change it. So it’s like a tape that plays in the mind. You gotta change this, you got to change this, you got to change this. And now that’s graduated. Okay, well, you got to change your health. You got to change his habits. You got to change this and of course, we do want to get better we do you want to educate ourselves. But we have to look at what’s driving those messages. For you, oftentimes, what’s driving those messages are I’m not good enough. And that’s why I’m saying it’s useful to have times where you can just begin to be in your body and give it the signal you don’t have to do anything different body. Yeah, even if you do that lying in bed at night. Put your hands on your belly and close your eyes and just give your body some love and says, you know, you don’t have to change. You don’t have to be any different. 15 years from now you might wish that you looked as young as you do today.

Stephanie
That’s the thing, isn’t it? You look back at photographs and I think why was I even worried?

Marc David
That’s what I’m saying! And that’s a great reminder to say like now’s the time.

Stephanie
Yeah, to appreciate now what I’ve got and the health that I have got?

Marc David
Yes. That’s how an adult thinks that’s how a queen thinks that’s how a parent thinks. That’s the advice you would be giving to your daughter. You’d want her to love and appreciate what she has right now, because this is you, and it’s totally lovable. So you’re being a good mother to yourself.

Stephanie
Yeah. And a role model in turn, which is still the ultimate aim as well. We’ll break the cycles if we keep on.

Marc David
Yeah and it’s being gentle with yourself, too. It’s also saying, you know, I don’t do this perfectly. And I don’t exactly have this right. But it’s okay. It’s, it’s, you don’t have to be perfect at this. And even to be careful. Because I can be a stickler about language, you’re not looking to break a cycle, necessarily. Because that’s, that’s a little aggressive. I understand that. But for you, I want to hear less aggressive language, you’re not looking to break a cycle, you’re looking to learn a new way of being in your body and loving your body are different. Yeah, I’m looking to break a cycle, I’m in a fight. I got a hammer. I’m trying to break something. So there’s a struggle that’s inherent in that. If you’re learning to be in your body in a new and more gentle and more compassionate way, whoo, that sounds a lot easier. Sounds a lot more inviting. So it’s noticing when you start to struggle, and catching yourself and learning to say, you know, there’s nothing to struggle about here. If your daughter said to you, Mommy, I’m struggling today, because I don’t like my body. Whatever you do, you would love her. You would love on her, you would say loving things to her. You wouldn’t say oh, okay, great. What do we need to do to help break this cycle and make you love your body? Do you want to lose weight that’ll make you love your body? Okay, let’s put you on a diet. You want to lose weight? Let’s make you run around the track. No, you’re not going to say that to her. You’re going to help her love herself as she is right now. So that’s always the place you return to pretend that you’re your own daughter. And that you’re eight years old, 10 years old. 12 years old. What would you say to you? What would the mother in you say to the little girl in you?

What’s a takeaway for you from this conversation, Stephanie, that feels useful for you?

Stephanie
That’s a great question. Where I’m at right now and recognizing the triggers that I’ve noticed and are aware of, and it’s to continue on the same path, but with more of a focus on self love and being in my body and accepting my body right now. So yeah, that was really useful. Thank you!

Marc David
What a good thing. I just want to, you know, applaud you for all the work that you’ve done on yourself and the effort that you’ve put in and you’ve come a long way, you really have. And I think it’s helpful to celebrate that and to really acknowledge for yourself like, wow, I’ve done some good work on me. And I’ve turned to some good resources, and I’ve reached a good place. Yeah, I’m not in the ideal place that I want to be. But let’s let go with the ideals and be able to celebrate some of the small and not so small successes. And now start to relax a little bit.

Stephanie
Yeah. Let go of trying to fix things. That’d be another takeaway.

Marc David
Yes. Nothing ever more to fix because nothing’s broken. There’s nothing broken, you got to remember that there’s nothing defective, there’s nothing broken. It’s not like, oh, I can just fix this one thing, then it’s all going to come into place. No, we’re always working on ourself. So we’re not broken, we’re just growing. Because if I think I’m broken, there’s a constant sense of sourness, there’s a constant sense of, I’m not good enough. There’s a constant sense of, Oh, I’m just a little defective I, I have to find this answer. Whereas if I’m just learning and growing, I could stand a little taller. I could feel better about myself. I could be in my body. Learning and growing.

Stephanie, thanks for a great conversation. Thanks for being so real and open and honest. I really appreciate it!

Stephanie
Yes, lovely to meet you. Thanks, Marc!

Marc David
Appreciate you, and take care, everybody. Bye for now.