What Our Health Challenges Are Here to Teach Us  – In Session with Marc David

What Our Health Challenges Are Here to Teach Us  – In Session with Marc David

Marc David  

Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. We’re in the Psychology of Eating Podcast. I am with Lynn today. Welcome, Lynn.

Lynn  

Hi, Marc. Thanks for having me.

Marc David  

So glad you’re here. So glad we’re doing this. This is all about you and I having a first session together and seeing if we can make some goodness happen. So, if you could wave your magic wand, and get whatever you wanted with food and body, what would that be for you?

Lynn  

It would be to feel good in my body. It’s been a rough year and a half to two years. I always feel bloated. Eating is an issue. I just want to feel good. I feel like I’m in a foreign body.

Marc David  

So, what doesn’t feel good? You mentioned bloating…is there anything else that doesn’t feel good in your body?

Lynn  

Well, there’s weight gain too. I gained the weight through an injury which prevented me from being able to move. This extra weight has been very different for me. I was the same weight for most of my life, and now I’d say I have probably 25-30 excess pounds that have come on since my injury. So, that’s a tough one.

Marc David  

Okay, so you’re feeling bloated and your body’s carrying around more weight than you’re used to and that’s not making you feel good about being in your body. Anything else? Just so we can collect information?

Lynn  

No, that’s pretty much all the symptoms that I have discomfort with. I wish I could find an easier way to know what foods to eat and which supplements to take. Though I feel that I eat better now than I ever have in my life, I’m still having this discomfort. So, I’m kind of puzzled sometimes. I have been really looking forward to this session with you to get some answers.

Marc David  

So, discomfort when you eat?

Lynn  

After.

Marc David  

And you experience bloating. Are there any other words that you can use to describe the discomfort that you have?

Lynn  

Bloating is probably the best word for me to describe it, unless we figure something out as we go. Before my injury, I never felt bloated except on occasion. In the past, when I felt bloated, I knew it was because I ate a certain thing. Now, I feel like I eat well, but I still struggle with that bloated feeling. I know there’s extra weight, but the bloating feels like a different feeling than the extra weight.

Marc David  

Does it happen at every meal or at certain meals?

Lynn  

No, not at every meal. It probably happens more around lunch and dinner. Breakfast is usually pretty good. I’m a light eater and usually make a shake.

Marc David  

So, the bloating started maybe a couple of years ago?

Lynn  

It’s been happening since the injury to my knee which kept me from being physical. I’ve always been a really physical person. I love walking, and skiing, and dancing. I went from always moving to not moving for about three months while being dependent on crutches and a cane. I’m just starting to move again, and I’ve gone for two 20-minute walks in the past three weeks. So, I wonder if the bloating is just a lack of movement? 

Marc David  

Yeah, it’s a good question. Have you been on any medications since you had your injury?

Lynn  

Yes, quite a few medications. They had me on antidepressants, anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxer at night, a sleeping aid, and I took a lot of Lyrica for the chronic pain. So, I’m slowly getting off of these medications, and I’m doing my best to eliminate them from my body.

Marc David  

The drugs that you just mentioned, are you still on all of them right now?

Lynn  

I’ve not been on antidepressants for a couple of months now. I’ve been taking Lyrica and anti-inflammatories on occasion. So, I can’t say I have taken no medication at all especially when the pain is really bad.

Marc David  

Yeah, so every one of those drugs that you just mentioned, can potentially cause digestive symptoms and can potentially cause or contribute to bloating. On top of that, once we start to take a cocktail of prescription drugs, it’s anybody’s bet as far as the potential side effects. If I could bet my money on the cause of your bloating, there’s a very good chance that your digestive system took a little bit of a hit. Particularly given that it was coincident with your injury. You started taking a cocktail of drugs that your body has never seen before at the same time as your injury. There may be many different mechanisms for the bloating itself; for example, it could be that your gut flora was impacted, but the bottom line is, in terms of the bloating, it would be interesting to set a goal to be off of those medications. I’d be interested to see what happens, two months after you’re off of those medications, and to see how your meals feel in your body. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a very interesting and noticeable change.

Lynn  

Okay.

Marc David  

And on top of that, you haven’t been moving so much. One of the great digestive aids for so many people is: movement.

Lynn  

Yes. 

Marc David  

Movement has a wonderful way of exercising the digestive organs. It mechanically moves our organs and gets enzymatic flow in the gut which increases peristalsis. When you add all of this together…the stress or upset of having an injury, not being able to be your usual self, and being in pain… that, to me, sets up the potential conditions for bloating.

Lynn  

Right. It has certainly shifted my whole life in terms of socializing,  outings, and exercise. I miss it so much, and I know my body would feel so much better if I could go for a walk. I was a big walker. I’d walk every day. I walked in the mountains, and I’m really a nature person. So, my body has definitely been living a very different life.

Marc David  

So, what’s the prognosis for your knee? When can you start doing more physical activity?

Lynn  

I’m doing more now, slowly. I’m still doing physio at my rhythm. So, now I feel like I can go for a walk, and I’m walking without a cane more and more. So, it’s getting better. I’m really happy that I can move a little better and not be in so much pain.

Marc David  

Yes. I see what you’re experiencing so commonly with clients, with friends, with family, and with loved ones. We don’t always notice, or even think to notice, that the interesting symptoms we are experiencing may actually be connected to the drugs we are taking. We take all these drugs so we can feel better. And so, the brain is not tracking that it could be the drugs creating the issue. 

Your brain is not looking for what might not be making you feel better or what might not be working for you. Instead, your brain is looking for whether or not there is pain relief and asking: do I feel better? Pain relief is what you’re looking at and tracking for. You know, an unfortunate thing about the pharmaceutical industry, and one of the weird things about most pharmaceuticals, is the presence of side effects. These prescription drugs are not perfect, heavenly, angelic chemicals that always leave us in great shape. 

There’s often a cost for the use of a pharmaceutical, and there’s an even greater cost when we’re taking a collection of pharmaceuticals. Your doctor is not necessarily going to tell you about that or harp on it, but quite frankly, there might be a little cost to pain relief. We take a pain reliever because we want to get rid of pain and we make the decision that as long as the side-effects of the pain reliever are not worse than the original pain that we are trying to get rid of, then we’ll find a way to deal with it.

Lynn  

Then, all those drugs cause me to eat more and faster. I’ve always been a really slow eater. I’ve noticed, especially with antidepressants, it’s like you have no bottom, and so you eat more. I’ve found since I’ve been off the antidepressants, I wasn’t eating as fast. It felt good to get some sense of normalcy back in my body. It makes sense to set a goal to get all of the pharmaceuticals out of my body because my goal is to be able to feel my body and to feel where my pain is in my body. I told  my doctor that I don’t want to feel like I’m in a brain fog all the time. I want to get my life back.

Marc David  

Yes. Good for you for being the general manager of your own health experience. It’s easy for us to give all of our power away to a practitioner, to a doctor, to a professional who doesn’t live in our body. They’re seeing a lot of people and are doing the best that they know how to do. Chances are the provider who prescribed all of those drugs to you is not sitting down with you for an hour to get to know you, asking you a lot of questions, and warning you about side effects. Instead they’re saying: “okay, here’s your problem, and here’s a solution.” They’re not tracking you because it’s often not considered their job to do that. 

So, I think all of us, both you and me, need to be responsible for ourselves, especially around prescription drugs. We can’t just take a drug and expect that everything will be wonderful. We have to pay attention and track our body. My guess is that you did the right thing. When there’s a certain level of pain in recovery from a physical injury, it’s harder to recover from that injury because the stress of the pain can often override the healing response. We need a certain amount of pain relief in order to heal from any type of traumatic injury. 

So, I think you did the right thing and you are continuing to do the right thing by saying to yourself: “okay, now I’m the one who has to be responsible for tracking my body, noticing my body, noticing my symptoms, and putting one and one together. You’re the one who is seeing that there’s a damn good probability that the menu of drugs you’ve been taking, on top of not moving and not necessarily feeling good about yourself, may be impacting digestion in a not-so-positive way and causing these side effects like bloating. If you’re feeling low energy and depressed, you’re not gonna be digesting as well. We digest better when we’re happy and feeling excited about life.

Lynn  

Yes! It was such a stressful time. I didn’t even know what to eat or what to do, and I felt like I lacked clarity in my life. The bloating was such a mystery. Now, I’m so glad that I’ll be able to feel more clarity in time, and I’ll be able to be more active. I’m finally getting better, and my life is starting to come back. My eating is coming back and feeling more normal, and my appetite is not so excessive.

Marc David  

Yes.  I’m really glad you made a connection between the antidepressant you were taking and the effect it may have been having on your appetite and your sense of satiation. That’s not talked about enough. Antidepressants are powerful substances, and I believe that for most human beings, antidepressants should be a short-term intervention rather than something that we prescribe long-term. 

On an emotional level, antidepressants tend to take away or collapse our emotional range. You don’t feel the lows as much, and you also don’t feel the highs as much either. A lot of times, being on an antidepressant can make us feel a little flatter. It limits our emotional range, and digestion itself is an emotional process. 

The digestive system has a lot of feelings. We feel good when we eat food that we like. We feel good when we eat healthy food. The body literally feels good about itself when it’s being nourished. And when you take an antidepressant, it can impact gut sensations. It can impact gut feelings, just like it impacts emotional feelings.

Lynn  

That’s interesting.

Marc David  

You know, we often say things like: ” I have a happy belly”, or ” I have a happy gut”, or we talk about “gut feelings”. We do that for a reason.  The gut is a highly psycho-somatic organ. Meaning: there’s literally a sense of experience and emotionality that happens in the gut. Your gut could be angry, it could be disturbed, it could be nervous, it could be anxious. Think about “irritable bowel syndrome”. The gut gets irritated just like we get irritated. When you stopped taking the antidepressant, all of a sudden you noticed that you had a better sense of fullness. That’s because your gut is tracking its own sensations better. 

Lynn  

Yeah, I feel like I’m more present in myself and more aware of what’s going on.

Marc David  

Yeah, good for you! Antidepressants can literally pull us outside of ourselves just a little bit. The benefit is that we are not so depressed and can be a little more functional now that we are out of the rabbit hole and the dark place. But that’s often only great for the short-term.

Lynn  

Yes, absolutely. There was so much change going on, and that’s when I started to see more weight on my body. I found it really difficult to accept where my life was at, and to accept all of the changes that were going on with my body. The antidepressant was a good vehicle at the time to help me come out of that. Now I feel better in myself and am able to accept my life where I am at while having more love and compassion for myself than I did even six months ago. 

Marc David  

Yeah, and that’s how you feel better about being in your body. Sometimes feeling better about being in your body doesn’t start with losing weight. It doesn’t start with getting rid of the pain. Those things help, for sure, but sometimes we feel better by noticing the places where we have the ability to feel better. I might be resisting my life if I had a knee injury, and I couldn’t move, and I’m in a lot of pain. I might be complaining all day to the point that I got tired of myself. 

Lynn  

Exactly! 

Marc David  

If I were absolutely tired of feeling sorry for myself, then I would stop complaining, and start to look for places of gratitude in my life so that I can feel better. Something like: “thank goodness my leg doesn’t have to be amputated!” or something like that…

Lynn  

Yes, yes. You mentioned gratitude. I try to be grateful. I’m grateful that I can still walk. I try to breathe, and do my morning meditations and just bring some good oxygen into my body. I try to get outside every day and just bring about some calmness because my body wasn’t calm for such a very long time.

Marc David  

Yes, yes. When we get a traumatic injury, it’s a trauma not just to the area that is affected, but it’s also a trauma to us. The trauma impacts our entire life, and everything can change. There is an adjustment period that we have to give ourselves and we have to try to understand that there’s an emotional journey that we have to go on when we have an illness or we have an injury. That emotional journey, we can’t go around it. I think we have to go through it.

Lynn  

Yes, I agree. Recently, I’ve said: “okay, knee, you’re here to teach me something. I’m open to the lesson.” But I also said: “you’re not taking all the space up in my life anymore.” I’m trying to get on the outside of that. 

Marc David  

Yes. If you could take all the wisdom from this experience, what are some of the things you think this knee injury and this weight gain has been teaching you?

Lynn  

Oh, my goodness. It’s taught me a lot about perfectionism because when you can’t move your life changes in a lot of ways. Even the small things, like cleaning and chores aren’t done as you would like them. The injury showed me that it really just doesn’t matter, and it taught me to slow down and take care of myself. I think my biggest lesson is to have and to set boundaries. I didn’t realize at 56 years old that I was not good at setting boundaries. I love helping people and doing things for people, but this injury really stopped me in my tracks. So I was like: “okay, now it’s time to take care of Lynn, and be kind to her.”

It took me a while to be kind and compassionate with myself because I kept expecting to wake up and be well and start walking again. That’s when the depression started to come in. However, a year later, this is still not the case. I’m beginning to accept it more, look at myself with more compassion, set boundaries with people, and learn how to care better for myself. When possible, I will help others too, but right now, this time is for me. The injury has also changed my whole career because I had to make a career change. It’s been very interesting, but I’m grateful for where I am today. I’m really glad that I’m in that mindset now, and I’m just waiting for my body to follow along though I get impatient with my body sometimes and focus on what I’m not doing. I think I’m learning how to love myself and be a little bit more compassionate with myself a little longer, you know?

Marc David  

Well, I’m so glad for you that you’re able to see this big picture for yourself because the alternative is feeling like a victim. When we feel sorry for ourselves, we get into a pattern of worsening habits. We turn to food, or more drugs, or more alcohol, all things that don’t work for us in order to numb whatever emotional pain and disappointment we have.

Lynn  

Yes, I don’t drink, and I quit smoking just before my injury. Recently, I quit coffee. I’m doing everything that I can to help my body while removing the things I’ve been using to numb my body out.

Marc David  

I love that. It’s all about letting the body teach us how to be a better person.

Lynn  

Yes, I agree. It’s amazing. I’m grateful to have had the time to be able to sit with myself and to explore my body and to see it in a different light. I never had to wait in my life, and though I don’t mind so much to wait, I just want to feel better. I want the bloating to feel better, and once I am able to be more physical and exercise more, to feel more fit.

Marc David  

Ultimately, if you think about it, maybe the hardest lesson that the body teaches us is that it is going to die. That’s the big lesson. It’s hard when the body gets injured, or we have to live with a disease. At some point, the body teaches us that this body ain’t gonna last, and that we’re on borrowed time. Strangely, that’s the biggest lesson at the end of the day. We start to notice that there’s a lot of little mini-deaths or transformations that we have with the body through the course of our lifetime, and if we’re lucky, there won’t be too many challenging ones. The body is pretty vulnerable, and once it’s injured, or it has a disease, our whole relationship with the body, and with life, changes. 

Lynn  

Yeah. I had to grieve my old body, and then come into this new body. And now I’m saying: “okay, this is the body that is carrying me now for the rest of my life. I want it to be the healthiest it can be. I want to live a nice life, into old age with a body that’s going to be in good shape so I’m able to be active. That’s my mindset.

Marc David  

What do you think are some personal attributes that have helped you through this process?

Lynn  

My stubbornness. My rebel. I’m quite a rebel, and I’ve never been a follower. I’ve been able to kind of go off on my own way, and not follow. I respect my physicians, but I respect more what my body tells me, and listening to my body. Also-my openness, and my faith. These all help me persevere.

Marc David  

Those are all wonderful qualities. How interesting that you mentioned stubbornness. I’m wondering if you could say more about that…how has your stubbornness helped you?

Lynn  

It has helped me to not give up. I’m not known to give up on things. Yet, this has also been one of my biggest challenges in my life especially when I realized that there was no end date to my recent injury. With this injury, it’s not like I broke a bone, it’s gonna heal, and then I can just keep going as before. It’s possible this could become a disability for the rest of my life that I might have to learn to live with. I have decided that I’m not going to live with a disability. I’m not going to let my disability or the injury control the way that I’m gonna live my life. I know now that I can change my mindset.

Marc David  

Yes. I like the word stubbornness, and I also hear commitment.

Lynn  

Yes! Yes, I am committed to this. If I don’t commit to this, I can see the consequences now. I see that I don’t want to live in a body that is not well, so if I can, I will definitely commit myself to eating better, eating more whole, drinking good water. I just want to bring all the goodness I can into my body and have a chance of good health on my side.

Marc David  

I love that approach. So, I want to make an observation, and you can tell me if this is true for you. You mentioned that you have gained about 25 pounds during this time, and I get that you don’t like that. It’s obviously not your preference, and not what you would want. It doesn’t seem to me that the weight gain you experienced was as crushing a blow for you as it could have been, or as it is so often is for people who experienced weight gain. Is that true for you?

Lynn  

I’d say yes. I know I’m more than my weight. It was certainly a shock having to change my whole wardrobe and adjust to my new body. But yeah, I feel being healthy is more important to me. Now, I’m okay with it. I’m more than my weight. Lynn is not wonderful because she’s 130 pounds. That’s what this experience has also brought to me. In the past, I found myself around a lot of people where weight was a big issue and a big part of the conversation. I’m not there anymore. I don’t indulge in those conversations, and I’ve kind of drifted away from those kinds of people. There’s been such a big shift in my life in this respect. At 56, I love my age. I’m 56. I feel good. I’m sane, and my brain is good. I just need to get back in shape. So, I feel very fortunate. 

Marc David  

To me, you’re owning who you are at your core. You’re a 56 year old woman, and you have got a ton going for you. Not everything is perfect, but you’re owning the goodness of being 56. And yeah, your preference is not to have gained 25 pounds, but you’re also clear that you are not your weight and that your value is so much more than that.

Lynn  

Yes, absolutely. 

Marc David  

That’s pretty powerful. 

Lynn  

Yeah, it is! I feel empowered, and I get that good feeling inside me. It’s been a journey, and I think when we can go through the difficult times, and then come out of it feeling good. Well, that’s what it’s all about.

Marc David  

Was there a moment that you realized that you’re not your weight? Was there a point where you were like: “oh, my god, I hate this weight…and then you had a shift? Or-did you just sort of know from the beginning? The idea that though you don’t like your weight that you’re not your weight? How did that come together for you?

Lynn  

Yeah, there was a shift. As the weight kept coming on, I had to buy different clothes, and I didn’t know where that would stop. It was tough and that was a very depressing moment for me. However, I’m an advocate for mental health and supporting women. So, I just turned that around and gave that to myself. I think people are beautiful in all the shapes, sizes, and colors that we are now. It was time to give myself all the compassion and all the love that I gave everyone else. Our weight is not what makes us the person that we are. There was definitely a shift that happened inside me, where I had to say to myself: “hey, you’re always giving all this love and positive talk to others”, and I started to be that person that I was talking to towards myself. I think all of us as humans, both men and women, need to be loved for who we are and not judged based on appearances. It makes me a little angry that we are.

Marc David  

Yes. We don’t want to be judged based on appearances. Also, we want to make sure especially that we don’t judge ourselves based on appearance.

Lynn  

Yes! That was a dark place for me. I was very sad, and I was grieving the body that I once had. It was the whole package, body and life, that I had to let go of. I had to make a decision to move forward in the body and the life that I have now and be grateful for them while getting better.

Marc David  

I’m noticing the term that you use: grieving. Over the years, I’ve seen that we grieve especially when it comes to the body. This is especially true for men who have to grieve the loss of their level of fitness, muscularity, and athleticism. As we get older, we gotta grieve what we used to have in order to let it go. This grieving period happens for women too when they see a weight change. As you get older, you don’t have the body that you had when you were 20. You don’t have the body that you want, whatever it is, and there’s a certain amount of grieving that we need to go through; a sort of acknowledgment of letting this go, because it’s not here anymore. It’s like grieving a loved one who dies. We have to grieve and we have to feel that loss in order to move forward.

Lynn  

Yes. That’s exactly what it was. It took awhile before I could go to that place. I was very fortunate that I was able to see a therapist that deals with chronic injuries and chronic pain who guided me through that grieving process. I didn’t know how to accept that. It felt easier to accept things that are more tangible in terms of losses, but to accept that my life was going to completely change, and that I was going to have this new body…that was something I wasn’t sure how to do. This woman was absolutely wonderful, kind, loving and gentle with me through that acceptance process.

Marc David  

Congratulations! I look at this as a successful journey. I look at you as a work in progress. And you have come a long way.

Lynn  

Yes.  I think that’s part of our journey, right? I think as long as we keep growing and changing, then we’re on the right track. We evolve. 

Marc David  

Yes, and I believe that you clearly have the tools and the insights that you need to be on this journey. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy, but these tools and insights make the journey far less difficult. There will be less suffering when we have the tools and the deeper understanding that we may not have the perfect body, weight, or appearance, but our value is so much more than that. We can have our preferences, and we can have our desires, but there are some things in life that we have to let go of.

Lynn  

Yes, that bag gets a little heavy.

Marc David  

So, in terms of where you’re at right now with yourself, how do you view your attractiveness as a woman?

Lynn  

Much better. I mean, I’ll tell you, there was a time where I had walked out of a store with my cane and I almost had tears in my eyes as I was getting in the car. I was thinking: who would want a woman like me with a cane?  That is such a distant past now. I don’t see myself that way anymore. I know that I’m attractive as a single woman, and I know that I’ll attract a person who is kind, compassionate, and who loves me for who I am. I know that I have so much love to give, and that I have a big heart. I have lots of experience to share with people, and I can be there for others that may have to go through the same experience. I think I’m a pretty good catch.

Marc David  

That’s the right approach! I truly believe that. We often look for people who feel good about who they are regardless of what they look like, regardless of where body fat is, or how much. We want somebody who feels good about themselves.

Lynn  

Yes. And my kids, and my parents, and my sister have been such a huge support in this. They have been loving me and continuing to tell me how beautiful I am. It’s brought us all closer together. I needed a lot of help. That’s been really wonderful and nourishing.

Marc David  

I love that. Oftentimes, our injuries and our diseases don’t just belong to us. Even though it’s your knee, and it’s your weight gain, it often belongs to our sphere. It belongs to your queendom. Meaning: it impacts the people around you, and how everybody is showing up. You see that wow, you’re good closer with your parents, your kids, and people are supporting you. So, it gives other people an opportunity to show up. It gives other people an opportunity to love you and to give your body and your being the message that you’re loved.

Lynn  

Yes.

Marc David  

A lot of times when we’re looking for love, we don’t necessarily notice the places that it’s already existing for us. We don’t cultivate the love that’s around us all the time. 

Lynn  

Yes! And I have found that once we tap into that, we are in such a different place. I feel like I enjoy my solitude, and I’m not lonely. I know I’m loved and have my family around me. My needs would change with a partner too. All of that has evolved, you know?

Marc David  

Lynn, I am so appreciating you and appreciating just how you’ve conducted yourself through this part of your experience and in this part of your journey. As far as I’m concerned, you don’t need any of my help. I’m just here reflecting back to you what I think are so many good ways that you’ve treated yourself and helped yourself get to where you are. That’s all you.

Lynn

I thank you, Marc. Thank you so much. Hopefully it can help others along the way and let people know that they’re not alone. I think that’s really a good message to get out there too.

Marc David  

I have no doubt that you do that, and you’ll continue to do it.

Lynn  

Yeah. Thank you, Marc.

Marc David  

Lynn, thanks for a great conversation. I really appreciate it. 

Lynn  

Thank you. 

Marc David  

Take care everybody. More to come, my friends.