Accepting Our Aging Bodies – In Session with Marc David

Accepting Our Aging Bodies – In Session with Marc David

Marc David
Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. We’re in the Psychology of Eating podcast and I’m with Nataliya today. Welcome, Nataliya.

Nataliya
Thank you. Hi.

Marc David
Glad we’re here. Glad we’re doing this. So if anybody listening in is new to the podcast, how it works is, Nataliya and I are meeting for the first time. And we get to do a session together. And the idea is for us to see if we can help move you forward and do some good work together. So if you could wave your magic wand and get whatever you want it with food and body, what would that be for you?

Nataliya
Okay, so if I had a magic wand, I would have no attraction to sugar and flour whatsoever. I would not be attracted to sugar. And I would be about 35 pounds lighter.

Marc David
Okay. And 35 pounds. When was the last time you were 35 pounds lighter?

Nataliya
Many years ago, when I was 19.

Marc David
How old are you now?

Nataliya
46.

Marc David
Okay, have you lost that weight at any point?

Nataliya
Not all of it. I lost I gained. You know, it’s been up and down. But since then. I have not been at that weight.

Marc David
So what do you think is a doable amount of weight for you to lose that you think is really possible within your reach?

Nataliya
Well, within my reach maybe like, go down to 140. Probably. Yeah, that’s probably within my reach. So that would be from today’s weight about 18 pounds.

Marc David
Okay, so how long would you say you’ve been actively trying to lose weight?

Nataliya
All my life

Marc David
Since when? How young?

Nataliya
Since when I remember myself, but it started not with me, it started with my parents of course, at that age. And it was really funny because it was double-sided. Like my mom cooked food and she expressed her love by cooking and feeding us. But at the same time, at some point, she would say “you’ve had enough stop eating”. There’s a story going around, I don’t remember, apparently when I was two we were having dinner and I was asking for more, I was told no, and then when everybody went to bed, they found me in the darkness. I had put a chair to the stove and I was grabbing food from the pot. I don’t know. I mean, why would they tell this story if it wasn’t true? So I assume that happened. So yeah, it started early.

Marc David
And what do you imagine would be different when you are at a good weight? When you’re at your ideal weight or close to it? How do you what do you tell yourself? My life is going to be different in what kind of way?

Nataliya
So um, it would be different how I feel and how I look. So I would feel light. I always wanted to feel like a squirrel. You know, squirrels are so light they jump from branch to branch. And yeah, the way I look, the clothes would fit nicer. There was a point when going shopping was a pleasure. Now I don’t like going shopping for clothes at all.

Marc David
Because?

Nataliya
Because things don’t fit even if I like it, it just doesn’t fit. Unless I get something baggy and I don’t like that. It’s, you know, jean shopping, for example, love handles falling out and stuff like that. Yeah.

Marc David
Are you in a relationship?

Nataliya
Yeah!

Marc David
How long?

Nataliya
We’ve been together 15 years I think, yeah, this year will be 15 years.

Marc David
Congrats. How does your partner feel about your body?

Nataliya
Um, I think he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t complain. I mean, there was a point when we both were kind of trying to lose weight. He’s actively trying to lose weight. I’m kind of not dieting I quit dieting years ago because I just figured it doesn’t work for me. But he’s still doing that. But you know, he never complains about my body.

Marc David
So if you lose weight the benefits are you’re going to feel lighter. And you’re going to fit into the kinds of clothes that you want to fit into.

Nataliya
Yeah.

Marc David
Which really means you’re going to be able to wear skinnier clothes.

Nataliya
Yes.

Marc David
Because there’s all kinds of clothes for all kinds of people.

Nataliya
Yes, I guess so.

Marc David
So when you say nothing fits, we can probably find an infinite number of outfits that fit you.

Nataliya
I guess we probably can they just… maybe I didn’t spend enough time looking. It’s just, I get tired and like, okay, what I like doesn’t want to fit.

Marc David
Yes, understood. The clothes you want to wear don’t fit you?

Nataliya
Yeah.

Marc David
Okay. So when I asked if you could wave your magic wand you said you wouldn’t be attracted to sugar and flour. How does that impact you?

Nataliya
Well, I eat too much of it. Let’s say, during this Christmas, I gained probably five to six pounds. Because of this amount of chocolate. It’s like it has this pull on me. Like when I stay away, I did quit sugar for six months some years ago. It was good. Mind you, I didn’t lose any weight because I didn’t quit flour at the same time. And it was kind of nice but then we went on vacation and there was ice cream and then there was my daughter’s birthday and everything.

It seems like if I have a little I want more, and I’m having a hard time just having a little. There are days when I can have chocolate in the house and have one square. And there are days when I’ve always eat the whole chocolate bar. But this is I guess, stress eating, I understand that but I still haven’t figured out how to not stress eat.

Marc David
So the amount of chocolate and flour that you eat these days does that make you gain weight? Are you still gaining weight? Or is your weight holding?

Nataliya
Well, it’s holding. At Christmas, I gained weight because of chocolate but now I’m holding it. But you know, I want to go down at least something so yeah, I’m pretty good at holding the weight. I am not as great at losing the weight.

Marc David
Okay, so previously you’ve tried to lose weight by dieting.

Nataliya
I tried dieting, that actually made me more stressed so I gained weight. So that’s why I quit dieting. What worked once somewhat, is I tried juicing. And that worked a couple times and then when I did a long-term juice, I did lose some weight. It didn’t happen the first times. It’s like my body decided no, we’re not playing this game anymore. It stopped warming me up, I started to get really cold to my bones. And there’s no way to get warm just on juice. So I stopped that too. Because what’s the point of going into this trouble if you’re not going to lose weight anyway? And be cold, like really, really cold?

Marc David
So how old are you now, again?

Nataliya
46

Marc David
So it’s interesting – age relative to weight and what you want your weight to be. Have you ever thought to yourself? You know, what if I just held with the body that I have right now? Can I be happy? Do you ever go there?

Nataliya
Yeah, yeah. And what I realized is yes, happiness and weight is not exactly the same thing. Um, and I probably could learn to be content with that. And there is this – and I still want to be a little bit thin, okay, maybe not 126 pounds, maybe 135 pounds. Even 140. But I just can’t convince myself quite yet. Like, okay, I’ll just let it be. You are what you are. I’m like, there is this underlying “No, I still want it.”

Marc David
So do you tend to be a fast eater, moderate eater, slow eater?

Nataliya
I am trying to learn to be slower. I’m a fast eater. My family’s fast it’s like competitions. I don’t know why we eat fast. And we are aware of it and we still, every time we eat like, let’s eat slower, and then everybody just inhales their food. It’s kind of funny. So yeah, I’m a fast eater.

Marc David
Okay. And are there times during the day or the week where you could say to yourself, This is the time I tend to eat too much?

Nataliya
I certainly eat more in the afternoon. In the morning, I’m fine. But then in the afternoon I want to eat.

Marc David
Around what time?

Nataliya
After two I would say.

Marc David
Do you have lunch?

Nataliya
Yes, I will have lunch I don’t know 12 or 1, I don’t really have a regimen. Depends on the day. Then it depends how busy I am. If I’m busy, I will not eat but if there is something going on, if I’m avoiding a task, or a phone call, then it’s like the kitchen is like a distraction. Or if there’s something stressful going on – so either avoidance or stress then I will be eating.

Marc David
Even if you’ve had lunch?

Nataliya
Even if I had lunch yeah.

Marc David
And what do you tend to eat when you’re avoiding or feeling stressful?

Nataliya
Oh, yeah, like a toast with butter. I tried to eat fruit. But then eventually something will – depends, like if there’s chocolate I’ll say I’ll just have one, I promise. And sometimes it happens. I’ll just have one but sometimes it’s like once you have one then the whole box can go. Depends on the day again.

Marc David
And how about in the evening times?

Nataliya
Yeah, the later, the more food I want to eat.

Marc David
So meaning.

Nataliya
So we try to have dinner at about five and I’ve been much better actually at it. Just like okay, we’ve had dinner let’s just close the kitchen it’s done. On bad days, like, after everybody will go to bed. It’s like okay, I’m by myself. I can have a little bit of chocolate. On a good day. I’ll just have a tea and read a book and it’s fine.

Marc David
But on a not good day, you’ll have chocolate. What else?

Nataliya
If there’s no chocolate, I’ll have some honey, or some dates or something sweet. It’s the sweet stuff.

Marc David
Is it a lot? Like if you have dates, how many dates would you eat?

Nataliya
3 or 4 of these big medjool dates

Marc David
And would you consider that? Do you think to yourself? Oh, I shouldn’t eat that, that’s fattening?

Nataliya
Um, well, in my mind, I’m like, okay, just have one because they’re vegan. They’re sweet. What I figured the real pleasure is from the first date. The rest is just stuffing myself. Like the fourth one doesn’t taste as good as the first bite. You know, it’s almost like chasing the first bite. But you never get it.

Marc David
It’s a great way to put it. So, how many kids do you have?

Nataliya
One

Marc David
Daughter?

Nataliya
Yes.

Marc David
How old?

Nataliya
She’s eight.

Marc David
How would you like her to be in relationship with her body?

Nataliya
I want her to be confident in her body. I want her not to stuff herself with food. Yeah, I want her to love herself as she is, but that’s the thing. I know enough.

With me, it’s I’m trying to substitute emotional regulation with food and I’m trying to learn how to be better but I’m still somewhere. It’s my journey. For sure.

Marc David
Yes. So when I said how do you want your daughter’s relationship with food to be? You want her to be, you said you want her to be confident in her body. You also said you don’t want her to stuff herself with food. That was the message you were given when you were young, right? Don’t stuff yourself.

Nataliya
Uh huh!

Marc David
See, it’s interesting because confident in one’s body – it’s a fascinating term because oftentimes, confidence in one’s body doesn’t depend on what one weighs, or how specifically or particular one looks. Meaning I’ve met plenty of people who are confident in their body, and they are big bodied men and women. They might even be men and women who people consider fat or chubby, or a big girl. I’ve met plenty of big women who are beyond confident in their body.

What happens is, we often have the belief that I will feel confident in my body when it looks like this, or that, and usually that means it’s thinner, it has less weight. Likewise, I don’t know about you, I’ve met plenty of people who had the classic, slender body and they’re not confident in your body. In fact, I meet them all the time. They’re not confident about it, because they’re afraid they’re gonna gain weight. Because they’re constantly worried about food, they’re constantly worried about body fat. And they are literally, they aren’t confident in their body, which means they don’t trust their body. They’re not fully in their body, because they’re in their head, about their body.

Nataliya
That’s true. That’s so true

Marc David
So, I bring up your daughter, because a lot of times, it’s helpful for your own relationship with food, to look at the wisdom that you want to impart to your own children. Because the wisdom you want to impart to your own children to your own child, to your own daughter, comes from a deeper place. You have a deeper knowing. We’re often better at helping others than helping ourselves. We’re often better seeing what somebody else is going to need, and how to give that to them, then how we do that, for us. That’s just the way human beings work. That’s why God made other people and it’s not just you here are me here. And that’s it, nobody else. We kind of need each other. So you want your daughter to be confident. Confidence is a frame of mind. Confidence does not depend on the size or the shape or the weight of the body, You can stigmatize somebody about any aspect of their looks. I was speaking with somebody today who was saying to me, you know, my partner said to me, you’re looking too thin. And all of a sudden, it put her in a state of being unconfident and not feeling good about herself.

So, it’s just interesting how confidence is born. It comes from an inner place. It comes from I think, getting to know our body and enjoy our body. See here’s the thing, if you’re not going to diet – which I think is great. Meaning not being diet mentality. Diet mentality is all about training the body how not to eat. I’m going on a diet, here’s how I don’t eat. Here’s how I control my food. Here’s how I control my appetite. Here’s how I limit the food on my plate. It’s all about control, limitation and essentially, you’re trying to give your body the signal don’t eat, don’t eat, don’t eat,. Meanwhile, your body is designed to eat. Your body is made to be an eater, so your body needs to eat. Not only that, your body is designed to receive pleasure from eating. You say to me, I wish I wasn’t attracted to sweet. Well, we need to remove all the sweet taste buds from your tongue and remove all the sweet tastebud receptors in your brain. Can’t do that it’s impossible. So the way we’re designed, we’re designed to literally find pleasure in sweet things. That’s how we’re made.

So I think confidence with our body comes from being in our body. What makes us feel good about being in our body is doing the things in your body that make you feel good about having a body. You might feel confident when you’re dancing, you might feel confident when you put on clothes that you like. You might feel confident, I don’t know, when you’re going out on a date with your husband on the town. You might feel confident when you dance, you might feel confident doing a certain sport. You might, whatever it is. It’s an inner state. It’s a choice. And it’s something we learn the more we do things in our body that make us feel good.

Do you literally know someone in your life who’s a bigger body woman? And she’s confident in her body?

Nataliya
I know I do, but no one is coming to mind

Marc David
How about somebody you’ve seen on TV? Somebody who’s a singer and actress, you know, any singers or actress who have big bodies? And they just strutting?

Nataliya
Yeah!

Marc David
That’s what I’m talking about.

Nataliya
But yeah, I mean, and the singers and actresses always try to lose weight, it’s just like they’re obsessed with that too.

Marc David
A lot of them are. And a lot of them aren’t. There’s a whole group of human beings since forever, who are not walking around trying to lose weight. All I’m saying is, I think it’s fine for you to want to lose weight. Don’t lose weight to be more confident. Lose weight because that’s your preference. I prefer to have less weight on my body. Why? Because. don’t even give a reason. I like colorful things in my home. Why? I don’t know. That’s what I like. I like to wear a lot of black these days. I can’t give you a reason. But that’s my preference. That’s my choice. I prefer when my body has a little more muscle – my preference.

So you can have a preference. But you can still be confident in your body.

Nataliya
Yeah.

Marc David
You can have the preference to have a body that weighs less, and you can still be lighter. What do I mean by that? I don’t know. Think of anybody that you know who’s thin and depressed. They’re heavy.

Nataliya
Yeah.

Marc David
When we’re down, when we’re depressed when we don’t like our life, when we don’t have very much to live for. We are heavy. We feel heavy. So you can weigh very little and be, quote on quote heavy.

Nataliya
Right..

Marc David
So I’m just wanting to point out to you places where if you’re not going to diet, which I’m glad you’re not. Again, not going to be in dieting consciousness. How do you do things that move you towards your natural weight, you might be at your natural weight right now, I don’t know. But what I do know is that we have the best chance to reach our natural weight as we become our most natural self. As you become the best version of you, the body has the best chance to become the best version of it. That says what I’ve noticed is the mind body connection. You can’t separate the two. One follows the other. You become the best version of you body has the best chance the best chance to become the best version of it. So I’m interested in you becoming more the best version of you.

So I’m looking for the little places to work that might make a shift in your weight. Because if you’re waiting to be more confident in your body, if that’s going to be dependent on weight loss, then I don’t think that’s true. Yeah, you’ll feel good about yourself when you lose weight, I’m sure or I hope but I will tell you a lot of people don’t. I meet people all the time, one of the most common things I hear is, I thought everything was gonna change when I lost weight, and I lost the weight and I was so upset because I was still me and I still had my problems, and I still have my issues, and I still had this and that and the other thing.

So weight loss doesn’t necessarily guarantee us anything. It’s who you are inside that’s determining your experience of your body. So I’m saying, sure have the preference to lose weight, but don’t wait for weight loss to be more confident in your body, figure out clothes that don’t have you shaming yourself. No, I can’t wear that that’s no good for me. Figure out clothes, that women do this all the time. Men do this all the time, you figure out clothes that accentuate what works for you. So you could feel more confident. And then you actually go about your business and practice literally practice the feeling of confidence.

And by the way, you’ll be demonstrating the very thing you want your daughter to have, which is confidence. Because you know what, like a lot of people, she’s gonna probably in the course of her life, gain weight and lose it and gain it and lose it. She’ll be more active, she’ll lose weight. Maybe some time in her life, she’ll be more passive, she’ll be sitting around a bunch, or she’ll go through a difficult time, she might gain a few pounds. And then she’ll get on some cool diet and start to exercise and she’ll lose some weight. And what you want that whole time is not for her to reach a certain weight. You want her to feel good about herself no matter what.

Nataliya
Yeah

Marc David
No matter where she’s at, on her journey you wish her happiness.

Nataliya
Absolutely

Marc David
So let’s wish that for you!

Nataliya
Yeah, good point!

Marc David
Let’s wish that for you, that no matter where you’re at on your journey, you can be happier and confident. And your happiness and confidence is decoupled from weight loss. I will not be happy, I will not be confident enough to feel good, I will not feel lighter, until I lose weight. So therefore until I lose weight, I’m not gonna be happy, I’m not gonna be confident I’m not gonna feel good about myself. Ouch!

So it’s changing your mind. This is this is the psychology of weight loss, you start to create the results that you want. In the end, oh I’m going to lose weight and these are the results: I’m going to feel lighter. I’m going to feel more confident. I’m going to love myself more. I’m going to fit into clothes. Great! Start to create those end results in the beginning. I’m gonna feel good about myself now. I’m going to expand my horizons when it comes to clothes and go let me pick out clothes. In this body that’s going to make me feel good. And you find that. Don’t protest no, no, no, no, no clothing shop is going to be miserable until I lose weight

You don’t want your daughter to wait to live her life when she has, you know a different body. You want to live her life now.

Nataliya
It’s funny, yeah, I knew about the happiness piece but I didn’t even connect the confidence piece. It’s interesting. I like that – I like start from the end.

Marc David
Start from the end. Everything you expect as a result of weight loss, say to yourself, how can I create that right now? Because then you can’t lose. If you lose the weight you’ll have been practicing being confident and happy and self-secure. So by the time you lose the weight you feel really good. And if you don’t lose the weight or if you don’t lose all the weight, you’re still happier and you’re still more confident.

Nataliya
Yeah

Marc David
It’s also Nataliya, I think it’s also deciding that there’s almost a part of you that’s like a 15-year-old girl inside you who wants that kind of body that’s just going to make you feel good about yourself.

Nataliya
Oh, yeah yeah!

Marc David
And that’s fine. That’s fine. But if she’s dominating, if that 15-year-old girl is dominating the internal conversation. If she’s running the show. For a 46-year-old, that’s not going to work.

Nataliya
Yeah, good point.

Marc David
So I think there’s a part of you, that needs to, in a strange way, let go of the young woman dream.

The young woman dream the young, the princess archetype dream is, I’m going to be beautiful, and fabulous. And everybody’s going to love me because I’m beautiful and fabulous. And everything’s gonna be great. And I win, because I’m beautiful and fabulous. And I look like this. And I weigh like this. And I live happily ever after. And it’s a beautiful fantasy for a young mind. It’s not a good fantasy for a woman who’s 35 and up. It doesn’t track who you are as a woman. Because the truth is we get older, the truth is the body changes. The truth is, it’s harder to lose weight as you get older, it just is okay, I don’t care what anybody says it’s harder. Sure, it’s doable. And the truth is we get little wrinkles and things and if we haven’t found happiness and confidence and a sense of self security, then we will be very unhappy as the body continues to shift. And age.

Nataliya
Yeah, you’re right on with this. I am having hard times with aging.

Marc David
So a piece of the weight loss for you is defeating aging. Going back in time and being that young person. And I just want to tell you as your older brother, I’m older than you. I’m 64. So I’ve been dealing. Yeah, I’m 64. So I’ve been dealing with aging and we have to embrace it.

Nataliya
Yeah, I understand that with you know, I understand it consciously and there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to accept that part.

Marc David
Of course, I don’t accept it either. I’m with you. We’re in this together. There’s nothing fun about aging necessarily. It’s not fun. There’s an old line from the American writer, Mark Twain he said, it’s a shame that youth has to be wasted on the young. Like now is the point in your life where you can really appreciate you. And it would be ideal to have your youth now. Because back when you’re really young, you take it for granted. You know, you think you’re immortal.

So it’s a spiritual act, to embrace aging. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s a growing in, it’s a deepening of our soul. It’s a deepening of our wisdom. It’s an acceptance of the circle of life. It’s kind of looking ahead into the future and saying, Okay, I’m going to the same place that everybody else in human history has gone, which is I’m going to die. So, why waste a single moment wishing you were younger because five years from now, you’re gonna wish you were this age. You’re gonna wish you had everything you had now, and 20 years from now. Same thing you’re gonna wish you had what you had now?

Nataliya
Yeah, that’s true.

Marc David
So right now there’s a part of you wishing you had what you had back then. And that’s the pattern I’m raising my hand and and saying, let’s interrupt that pattern because otherwise we’re never enough and we’re always looking to the past and we’re never in the present and we’re never appreciating what we have and we’re never actually occupying the body that I have right now

You will never be as young as you are right now.

Nataliya
So what’s the tool/technique?

Marc David
Good question..what is the tool and the technique? I think it’s a practice and I think the practice is contemplating having in mind every day that every day counts, every day matters, because we don’t know how much longer we’re going to be here. You don’t know how much longer you’re going to have the health you have right now, the body you have right now. How can I celebrate and enjoy my life today? How can I celebrate and enjoy this body today and not make my happiness contingent upon changing it to look something different? Sometime way in the future that might not even happen

Every day practicing how do I how do I live this day to the fullest? Which means being grateful. When I’m wanting to change my body because I don’t like it by definition, I’m not grateful for what I have. I’m not grateful for this body because it needs to be younger, stronger, more muscle have less fat. So I’m not living in gratitude. I’m living in lack and living in lack is not fun. So I’m always trying to do something to feel better, that doesn’t really make me feel better.

And usually when we’re trying to control the food on our plate, so we can weigh less eventually that becomes too stressful. And we do the one thing that we know really destresses us which is eat. The very thing we’re trying not to do. So part of it is making peace that you’re an eater. I’m an eater so is everybody else I’m designed to be an eater. That’s how we’re all created that’s how we are all made and you’re doing your best to be in relationship with being an eater

And yeah, we’re all learning. I know a lot about nutrition and eating psychology and I’m still learning about my relationship with food because we change we get older different things come up so I think the learning never stops and you’re learning how to find peace with food and find peace with aging.

So make everyday count

What’s going on Nataliya, How you feeling? What’s what’s coming up for you?

Nataliya
I like this. You’re right about finding peace with aging. I think I thought I found peace with food to a certain degree, a certain extent so I need to practice but what is a good perspective is to live in gratitude what I have today, instead of living in lack, that’s, I think the missing piece for me.

Marc David
Yes.

And it’s embracing the Queen stage of your life. You’re not in the princess stage anymore. You’re in the Queen stage. In the princess stage or the youthful stage we tend to need approval from the outside. Am I okay? Do you love me? Do you? Do you accept me? Am I good enough? That’s what young people need young people need to know. I’m okay. You all like me, you all love me, you all approve of me. One way that the world, the culture and I’m not saying this is good, but one way the world approves of its girls is it says You’re pretty. You’re cute. You’re sweet. You’re thin. We approve of you. We like you now. Good girl. And we hear that and we obey we hear that and we listen and we hear that and we think I need to be that. When we reach the wisdom stage the king, or the queen stage for you then you realize that whatever the world told you whatever society told you doesn’t matter anymore. It’s your beliefs that matter. We’ve been conditioned in a certain way to believe certain things. So really, what we’re talking about here is deconditioning is letting go of beliefs that don’t work anymore.

So in the Queen stage of life a queen sits on her throne and she owns her body. A good Queen knows who she is. A good queen doesn’t ask her queendom Am I okay? Is this dress okay? Can you see my body fat? Do you think I should lose weight? Will you still listen to me if I don’t lose weight? No! A queen just commands the room out of wisdom and love and respect. She respects herself and she respects all the people around her she’s not looking to get something so she can be approved of she’s actually just giving her gifts to the world

When we’re trying to lose weight to have approval we’re looking to get something from the world. If we’re trying to lose weight to have approval so then the world approves of me. Trying to get something from the world. And this is a time in life where the energy is what you have to offer what you have to give because that’s what’s gonna make you feel abundant – giving makes us feel abundant. Sharing your talents, your words, your skills, your love that makes you feel abundant. Giving the best of you to the people you love that makes you feel abundant

Nataliya
Yeah. I like this stages yeah the princess, the queen. You’re totally right about this a part of me and got stuck in the princess hold and it’s time to move on.

Marc David
Yes. Yes. It’s truly time to move on. Let the princess be your your eight year old girl because that’s her stage and let you be the queen. And the Queen loves herself and approves of herself no matter what. You gain a pound you prove yourself you lose a pound you approve of yourself. Your love is not conditional. If you were saying to you, I’m only going to love myself if I lose five pounds. 10 pounds 20 pounds you bet your daughter is going to pick up on that. That love is conditional on my weight. Kids, children are very brilliant observers. They pick up on things

So one of the greatest gifts you can give her is to love your own body as it is you can have your preference. Your preference is fine. Your preference is respectable. But your self love and self respect isn’t dependent on getting your preference weight

Nataliya
So how do I again? Yeah, the importance of it, it’s shifting the importance of the weight. And yeah, not having the approval attached to weight. A love attached to weight, self love. And that’s, what is it that’s a mind exercise? Essentially,

Marc David
Yes, it’s just first you’re aware of it now. And it’s catching yourself. Just catch yourself in the moments where maybe you’re looking in the mirror and you’ll say I don’t like what I see. Then you catch yourself. And you turn that around. You, you you literally replace that thought with. Actually, I love what I see.

Nataliya
I can see a part of me, like, I love all of me, but it says “no you don’t” and you know, this self talk?

Marc David
For sure! Yes, yes, that other voice will exist and you don’t need to fight that other voice. You just need to help that other voice get lower and lower by letting other voices get higher and higher. So it’s not about fighting that voice. Yeah, okay there’s that voice in me. Yeah, just like, there it is. Hello. Goodbye for now. I’m not entertaining you today. So it will always be there. But it’s just a question of to what volume and how much? So at some point, it’ll be it’ll show up and it’ll disappear in a second because you don’t give it attention. Because you enjoying your life and being grateful for what you have, will be far more important than what you have to look different in order to be happy. Your life as it is, is far bigger than that small voice telling you you need to be losing weight. So that’s the practice it’s catching yourself. And you’re replacing affirmation.

Affirmation of kindness of self love. I’m choosing to love and accept my body no matter what. I choose to love and accept my body even though it’s not the perfect weight that I’d like it to be.

Nataliya
Yeah, it’s funny. I was just, I just picked it up again. I love and accept myself even though.. that’s the phrase I really like lately, even though whatever it is, I’m not the perfect weight I love and accept myself even though I had a fight with somebody I love and accept myself. Yes. And that works for me. I can’t do plain affirmations. Like I love my body. But this even though helps me like oh, yeah, even though I love myself. Yes.

Marc David
Because it’s true. There are all the people you love. None of them are perfect. Nobody’s perfect. husband’s not perfect. He does things you don’t like you still love him even though he does things I don’t always like.

Nataliya
Yeah. Yeah, why not to extend that to myself too?

Marc David
Exactly

Nataliya
Yeah. I like that. Sounds good.

Marc David
I think we did some good work. Nataliya!

Nataliya
I think we did. Thank you, Marc!

Marc David
There’s lots to think about.

Nataliya
There’s lots to think about! And there’s lots to practice.

Marc David
Yes, definitely. I appreciate you being such a such a willing participant in conversationalist and being very generous with your time and sharing your inner world and I’ve really enjoyed it and I’m sure a lot of people will benefit from this conversation. So thank you.

Nataliya
Thank you, Marc, thank you for your wisdom and thank you for your time. And yeah, that’s been very, very good. Thanks.

Marc David
Thanks, Nataliya. And thanks, everybody for tuning in. Take care, my friends.