When Weight Loss Doesn’t Alleviate “Weight Worry” – In Session with Marc David

Marc David
Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. We’re back in the Psychology of Eating podcast, I’m with Arminé today. Welcome!

Arminé
Hello. Hi!

Marc David
I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad we’re doing this, in case people tuning in are new to this podcast, we’re meeting for the first time right now and we’re going to have a session together and see if we can do some good work and make some good things happen.

So Arminé, if you could wave your magic wand. And if you could get whatever you wanted with food and body? What would that be for you?

Arminé
The main thing, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. But the main thing would be to be able to listen properly to my body to know what it really wants me to give it foodwise specifically. I keep thinking about how you said, the high fact diet, it feels like, ever since I can remember, I’ve been told what to eat. And I’m at the point of not knowing what is really good for me. Am I going with bad and good food, or am I doing it for the body? I just wish I could be more in touch with my body in that sense of knowing what’s needed.

Marc David
Yes, there’s a lot of nutritional confusion that we can have. Because there’s so many different experts and so many different books, and there’s so much different information telling us what to eat. So, if you could wave your magic wand, he would be more listening to your body, anything else for you?

Arminé
It’s interesting, because a lot has changed in the past few years. So maybe it’ll be more relaxed with myself because okay, I have MS. And I have a lot of body pain and lots of joint pain. My work is very physical. Everything that goes wrong with me every pain that I have, I’m constantly blaming myself blaming me for not eating the right food. So this blame, this psychological battle between me and me. I would like that to not be there either. So that would be good. To be able to kind of say, okay, maybe it is stress, maybe it has nothing to do with the foods and stuff. Maybe I am going through something but I just keep blaming myself, keep saying oh, God, you know, you know, you shouldn’t be doing this, you’re not doing this, why aren’t you doing this? So this kind of is constantly in my head. So that put down, you know, putting myself down, I would like not to be there.

Marc David
So how to learn to be with MS and trust yourself and not go into blame or guilt or self attack if you have an outburst or have a symptom, and somehow make it your fault for having that symptom. Yes. How do you feel about your weight?

Arminé
Okay, it’s a bit of a long story, but I’ll just say the last part, and then maybe we can go back because I’ve been battling, since I can remember. My mom was always kind of very much into weight and everything. But what happened is that, maybe seven, eight years ago in 2014 I was referred to an eating disability clinic. And I completely stopped dieting. Because, you know, thankfully, the nutritionist told me you’re not allowed to restrict, you know, to that diet. And I just stopped and it was fine and that’s when I started doing the transformation. And that’s what helped me – your programs. And I was overweight, but I was happy and for the first time in my life, I stayed exactly the same weight for the past seven, eight years. Same size, even though it was a big size, but at least it had never happened before. Either I was on a diet losing the weight or binging putting it on – never on the same thing.

Until in 2021, I make cakes for a living so I’m on my feet a lot and I’m doing a lot of rolling and a lot of kneading. And my back was giving me a lot of problems and being on my feet a lot. And I thought this is ridiculous. I was seeing physiotherapy and everybody I knew that I needed to have a weight loss. But I was like, I’m not going to go on a diet. I cannot go on a diet. Because I want this to be relaxed. I want my mind to be as relaxed as it’s been for the past. I’m happy where I am. And I was very healthy actually, in a sense of, I have nothing. My blood pressure my sugar level, everything was just normal cholesterol and stuff. So in the end, I made a decision to have a gastric have a weight kind of reduction operation. So I had gastric sleeve operation around July of 20221, the 22nd of July. It’s not two years yet. And so since then originally I lost 42 kilos but I put a few kilos on which I was expecting. So I’m actually at a weight that I have never been in my whole adult life. So I’m okay with where I am, I’ve been less than this. And I’ve been more but never stayed at the same place. So I am. So doesn’t matter numbers, used to but I’m 75 kilos now but because I always remember what you said about a lot of people the first time you remember the diet that you started that weight at 16. I remember being 77 kilos and thinking, Oh my God, I’ve put on weight, I need to lose weight. So at the age of 51 to be 75 kilos now is a huge thing for me.

Marc David
So you’re 51 years old? And where are you from originally?

Arminé
I’m Armenian, but I lived in Iran most of my life. And in Iran and Armenian culture is very much with food.

Marc David
Yes. So let me ask you this question. Once you imagine getting to the place where you want to be with food and body, you’re trusting your body more, you’re eating more instinctually or more intuitively, and you’re not getting upset at yourself, if you have an MS symptom? How would life be different for you?

Arminé
Maybe I can just be more relaxed. With myself as well. Because even though I don’t want to lose weight, I still have that body kind of constantly looking and saying oh, maybe I should, you know, this needs to go that needs to go and that discomfort of kind of it’s very interesting. It’s just I think I put myself down so much that then I get stressed. And then being with people and that kind of I just get I’m a very outgoing person, and I love being with friends. But the last few years, I’ve been very much in my own cocoon. And when I’m not relaxed, and I’m not you know, I just don’t want to be around and my whole life has been, you know, around weight loss. I can’t tell you, to the degree that people will ask me so, are you on a diet or not on a diet? So it you know, the past seven years of me being able to say actually, my doctor said I’m not allowed to die, it was like a freedom thing. So now me putting myself constantly down is bringing me down again, it’s it’s as if I have that feeling of because I don’t want to voice it obviously because I don’t look I don’t fat anymore.

Oh, one of my main things is that the last few months, what happened was when I reached the 71 kilos, and they had told me that when you lose weight all your pains will go and your MS will be more manageable. And when that didn’t happen and I had all the pains I started to get into this worry of like am I going to be living with this pain all the time. My Ms is very mild, so I only have fatigue, and then of course the pains and aches are coming as well. And I started to get into that mindset of I have to do completely vegan complete, I have to eliminate all this stuff. And that constantly was giving me this panic attack. I was like I can’t restrict so it was going back to the way I was thinking, so I started not binging but was going towards bad food, I guess. So I was eating a lot of carbs sugar constantly. I was constantly craving it and I just don’t want that. It’s so interesting ever since I applied to the podcast I’ve been so the first time we were supposed to have it I was in a completely different place. So last week, 10 days ago, I naturally just started eliminating and I was fine. So it’s funny, but I still get that. I’m worried because I’m an all or nothing and I’m worried that I’m going to get into the I’m not allowed to eat sugar. I shouldn’t be eating sugar.

Marc David
Okay. So I have some thoughts I want to share with you.

Arminé
Please!

Marc David
So you’re 51 years old. Are you married?

Arminé
Yes.

Marc David
Do you have kids?

Arminé
No kids, one dog.

Marc David
How long have you been married?

Arminé
We’ve been married 24 years. Been together for over 30 years.

Arminé
Congratulations!

Arminé
Thank you.

Marc David
Wow. So you know it’s so fascinating how we as human beings, you know, even though We’re all from different parts of the world, you’re from Armenia, you’ve lived in the Middle East. And still, so many people struggle with the inner conversation, called, I have to look different, I have to be different, I have to eat different, I should have eaten this, I shouldn’t have eaten that. And at the root of all that is, most often, my body needs to look different, my body needs to weigh different. So that’s what’s been driving you for a long time. So even though now your weight is stabilized, and I’m very happy for you about that. And now that you’re at a place that, you know, you have a little bit more peace with. Still, goes that old voice?

And what’s interesting is, on the one hand, that voice doesn’t belong to you, you didn’t invent that voice. I meet 1000s of people who have that same voice in their head, you’re no good, you’re not lovable. You need to lose weight. And because that’s what’s driving us. We then wisely think, Well, okay, how do I lose weight? And in your case, also, how do I be healthy? How do I not have MS symptoms? You manage your food. You control your food. So if I control my food correctly, I’ll lose weight. If I control my food correctly, I’ll be healthy. And maybe I’ll be symptom free, or I’ll have minimal symptoms. So if the weight is not coming off, self criticism, if the symptoms are happening, self criticism.

So you’re at a point, I always look at age 50, as the clear transition point where a woman goes from being a queen in training to becoming a queen. And becoming a queen, in the classic sense, means that you are now ready, your soul is ready. You’re at an age where you’re ready to step into your authority. You’re ready to step into your power, you’re ready to step into your self dignity, you’re ready to make peace with the fact that you’re not perfect. Life is not perfect, nothing is perfect, and no one is perfect. And you’re ready to make peace with that. But there’s all the old voices and you’re ready to make peace. That’s what you want. That’s why we’rein this conversation. You’re tired of the internal conversation, which is stressful. It’s stressful to be thinking, Oh, I ate this, I shouldn’t have eaten that. This is causing my symptom. Or this isn’t helping me lose weight. And because we get that stress and that anxiety, how do we relieve that stress and anxiety we eat? Well, if you tell me Oh, I go for sugar. I go for this. I go for the carbohydrates. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. You know, bake cakes for a living. And it makes us feel good. It makes us temporarily feel good. It takes away the stress in the moment. But all of that stress is caused because we’ve adopted a certain kind of thinking. So what I want to suggest is that your new job, your a new task, is to step into your queen hood. And begin to imagine how a queen treats herself. So a good Queen sits on her throne and accepts herself. She’s not looking around and saying, oh, I need to look like her or she’s prettier than me. Or, oh, I need to lose weight so I can be fit like that person. No, there’s no competition at this point. You’re past that.

And it’s time to let go of the self attack. So the self attack is, it’s like a habit. It’s automatic. It’s unconscious. It’s repetitive. So you don’t have to wake up in the morning and say to yourself, oh, I need to remind myself to be self critical today and I need to remind myself to self attack. No, it just does itself. So your job is to start to monitor that in a whole different way. And notice it and stay in yourself. Yes, stay in your body and breathe yourself, breathe yourself into your body. And notice, as soon as you start to go into your head, because I think for you, what happens is, as soon as you start to think about these things, all the energy comes into your head, all the energy goes into your mind. And you start thinking all these thoughts that are unhelpful for you. And they gain a momentum. And they have a power. So the first thing you said to me, when I asked you, if you could wave your magic wand, you pretty much said I would trust my body more. So that, to me, is the key attribute of a queen, she trusts her body, which means you trust life, it doesn’t mean the body is going to be perfect. Because it’s not, we’re all going to die, we all have symptoms. So it’s trusting life. It’s trusting your body. But at the same time, it’s learning to inhabit your body.

The moment you go into fear and self criticism, you’re leaving your body a little bit, you’re leaving your body and you’re going into your head. And when you go into your head, it gets all confusing. So a good tool would be as soon as you find yourself with the internal conversation that’s moving too fast. And that’s self critical. Just take some deep breaths. And literally breathe yourself into your body. And do your best to let go of thinking and feel your body. Breathing, take five or 10 long, slow, deep breaths. Maybe sit down, maybe stare out a pretty window, look at the sky and bring yourself back home home is in your body.

I can’t really trust my body, if I’m not noticing it. If I’m not really in it, see what happens is after a lifetime of dieting, after a lifetime of trying to change my body, I’m in my head thinking about my body. I’m thinking about my body. But I’m not actually inhabiting it, I’m constantly telling my body, you’re no good. Here’s what you have to do, in order for me to like you. In order for me to accept you, you have to look like this. And you have to feel like this. So you can’t really trust your body because you’re not in it. You’re just above it and telling it what to do and what it did wrong, and what it should have done.

Arminé
Exactly.

Marc David
So anything that helps you start to inhabit your body in simple ways is medicine for you. What do you like to do that just helps your mind get a little more quiet and helps you feel like you’re happy to be in your body? What helps you do that?

Arminé
Um, well, I do a lot of games on on my iPad. I need to be listening to something and doing that so I don’t stick to one thing so I’m listening to a podcast I’m playing like just solving puzzles or something that’s my kind of sitting. What I really love is usually to dance that’s my thing, but I don’t do it as much as I should or would like to, I guess.

Marc David
When you do dance are you doing it just in your house or apartment by yourself?

Arminé
Well, this is its interesting. I feel I’ve lost a lot of myself in the past maybe even 20 years 30 years I guess for different reasons. And dancing is one of those things I really love but I used to say I want to go to dance classes and stuff and I didn’t. But then if there’s music on no matter where I am, I’ll move that’s how it is. So I know it’s work for me exercise would be ideal dancing, swimming, walking, but here ever since I’ve been in London, it’s been mainly just walking whenever I’ve been able to do it. And the past three years, after the pandemic, I had the cake shop in a very good area of London. And it had been there since 1981. And I lost the shop. I took over from the owner in 2011 and then we’ve lost it due to the pandemic. So the past three years, I’ve been working from home, so I’m not going anywhere. I’m not seeing anyone. I love having my time. But of course, I’m not kind of, it was an open kind of a shop. So people would see me working, they would pass they would wave they would come in children would pass. There was a lot of that going on. And I don’t get that anymore, or customers collecting the cake, I would see their reaction. Now I deliver. So there’s a lot of that missing.

Also a few things happened. My husband also he’s a kidney transplant patient, he’s had kidney problems since he was 10. He was on dialysis when we met. And his health has not been well the last few years. His eyes are playing up his knees have problems. I’ve had a lot of that stress. So I’m the main bread earner. So now, it’s almost 19 years since he had the transplant and it looks like it’s giving up so he might start dialysis. So that’s been a big down, you know, in our house. And I lost my mom in 2020, very suddenly in Iran, I couldn’t go and see her. I don’t know if I’ve got that out of me. I used to FaceTime with her every day and actually. So with Mum, ever since I was younger, she would always say you’re so kind, you’re lovely, you’re so good, and if you were just a little bit thinner than you will be perfect. That’s how I grew up. Unfortunately. So that was our thing. And now it’s interesting, because I saw it with her, I did explain that you had an effect on me. And then I was surrounded by women who are always talking about weight and everything. And my weight was always a thing. And but it’s interesting now that she’s gone, this weight loss, everything that I’ve achieved feels, I just – like she should be here to see it. And she was a goal for me also, like, one day we’ll get together, she’ll come over, we’ll do this. And it’s just, I couldn’t go back to Iran and they couldn’t leave. So I had to witness her being diagnosed with cancer and passing in 40 days not being able to connect. It’s just been very tough. And I was working at the same shop, and then the pandemic happened, and then my husband couldn’t walk and there was so much…..

Marc David
So, it’s been very hard for you. And I’m truly sorry for your loss. I know what that’s like. And isn’t it amazing how life as we get older, it doesn’t necessarily get easier. It can get harder in many ways. And the body ages and people age and people around us die.

Arminé
I’m sorry to jump in. But actually her death completely. It was another thing. So if I say my husband’s parents, one has a lot of mental and the other one diabetes. My dad has diabetes. And my mom was the healthiest person ever. Swimming all the time walking, eating healthy.

Marc David
So what this says is that life is short, we don’t know what’s going to happen. And this is your time to live life. This is your time to live life. And even though there’s difficulty. And even though there are challenges, and even though you’re becoming more and more of a caregiver for your husband, if you’re being a caregiver to somebody, you must take care of yourself. You must. Otherwise you’re not being a good caregiver, and the person you’re helping doesn’t really get the best of you. And you end up harming yourself. Because you’re not taking care of you. So it’s hard for the mind to figure that out. Oh, in order for me to be a helper, I need to take care of myself. So this is the time for you to really practice what you know, works for you. And so something as simple I want to get back to what helps you be in your body. And even if it means in your own apartment, you turn on the music and you move in the room. I don’t care if it’s a small room you could move in a small room. Which means you drop out of your mind and you enjoy your body. Because what’s happening is you don’t get time to enjoy being in your body.

Arminé
I also love sun and beach, and that’s another thing we’ve never been on. I went away with a friend in 2017, it was amazing. That week, I was a completely different person, I felt that I was the person that I remember I was.

Marc David
So the best ways, the little ways that you can help yourself now, because we can’t always get on a good vacation. But all the little ways that you can, again, bring yourself into your body, play music, listen to the music, sit there, just listen to the music and enjoy it, or be in the room and move to the music. And you’re saying to yourself, and you’re saying to life, I’m here, I’m alive. I’m in my body. And I’m having a moment of pleasure. Because what happens is, your body’s not getting enough pleasure. Your being is not getting enough pleasure, there’s too much stress.

Arminé
I agree.

Marc David
And so it’s up to you to do your best, the best you can do to start to balance that out. Because otherwise, we get a little contracted when we’re not getting enough pleasure, when we’re not having enough fun. When we’re not feeling good. It’s easy to then spend time in my mind. It’s easy to go back into all the old habits of self criticism. It’s easy to go back into all the old habits of oh, I need to lose weight, I need to eat healthier. So yes, you need to practice catching yourself when you go into self criticism. And it’s going to be easier to not go into so much self criticism. As you start to spend more time little bits you have five minutes here 10 minutes, there. Doesn’t have to be a long time doesn’t have to be an hour. Where you’re just enjoying being in your body. Because otherwise, there’s no place in your life where you’re saying to you and you’re saying to your body. Happy to be here. Happy to be inhabiting you.

Because if you think about it, from this moment forward. This is the youngest and chances are the happiest, that you’ll ever be. So 10 years from now, you might look back and say, Oh, I wish I was 51 I felt so good. I look so good. So you’re in your prime now. You’re in your prime meaning you have more experience in life than you’ve ever had. You’re wiser than you’ve ever been. Yes, you’ve had a difficult road these last number of years. So things have been difficult. And now’s the time to start coming home to yourself.

And the way we come home to ourselves is we don’t attack self. We don’t criticize self. And that’s a commitment. It’s no different than, you know, you wouldn’t say to your husband, you wouldn’t be criticizing him all day long for not being healthy. You wouldn’t say to your best friend, I’m not going to love you unless you lose weight. You wouldn’t say to your good friends, you know, oh, you ate that. I’m going to judge you and I’m not gonna like you anymore until you fix your diet. No. So if you wouldn’t say it to somebody you care about. Don’t say it to you. That’s a practice. It’s a practice. It’s something you put your attention on to because otherwise, we just keep doing it.

Arminé
It becomes a habit as you’re saying.

Marc David
Yes, so the way you break that habit is by the ways I’m suggesting. So you catch yourself when you’re doing the habit. Because when we’re doing the habit, it’s automatic, it’s unconscious. A part of us is not present. A part of us goes to sleep when we self criticize.

Arminé
Yes.

Marc David
So you have to learn to stay awake. And it’s literally reminding us of Oh, stay awake. Arminé, don’t go there. I’m going to treat myself with more kindness and more dignity in this moment. And it’s just the same thing as holding back your words. Yeah, there’s certain times you might get angry at somebody, but you don’t necessarily voice those words because you realize, oh, those words might not be helpful. So same with yourself, you realize, oh, speaking to myself, like that isn’t helpful. So it’s actually learning to harness your mind. It’s learning. Think of your mind, it’s like a tool. And you learn how to use the tool better and better. So when you bake a cake, your mind is focused. Here’s what I have to do. Here’s the recipe. Here’s the timing. Here’s when it goes out. Here’s when it comes in, here’s when I do this. So you have to have a very focused mind to make that kind of creation. So your mind focuses. Now what happens is when it comes to food and body, a lot of times the mind gets unfocused. Because of the old habit, and we let the bad voices come in. So that’s where you’re learning to focus your mind. It’s is like baking a cake no, we don’t do that.

Arminé
Baking I enjoy and specifically decorating because it’s artistic, that’s the kind of cakes I make very, like, 3d and when I’m doing that, everything else just kind of vanishes. But lately, that’s been a struggle as well. Yeah, I can see.

Marc David
So the more time you give yourself, to feeling good about living in your body. Because think about it,

Marc David
Most of your life, the messages have been the message came from your mother, you’re a wonderful daughter, all these great qualities, if only you could lose more weight than you’d be perfect. So as a child, we take that in as it’s a truth. We take that in like it’s a religion, I have to do this in order to be a good girl. I have to do this in order to be loved. So in many ways, what you’re doing is, and I’m not blaming your mother, because that’s what she was taught.

Arminé
Yes, her mother was a seamstress and actually told the girls, there were three girls, that if they don’t keep thin that they will get be getting any dresses.

Marc David
Yes. So, generationally, there’s been this unfortunate belief passed down, that you won’t be loved, and you won’t be valuable unless you look a certain way. So one of the great gifts you can give to your mother and to all the women that came before her is to change that for you change that for yourself?

Arminé
Break the cycle, as they say.

Marc David
Yes, break that cycle. And allow yourself to be in the body that you’re in, that life has given you and this is my body. And trust, you know, let’s come back to trust for a second.

I often think that there’s two kinds of trust, maybe there’s more. One kind of trust is the trust that gets created from relationship from familiarity. So you trust certain people in your life because you know them and they’ve proven themselves and you know how they’re going to behave and respond. And so there’s a certain trust that comes just from familiarity with somebody, oh, I know, I can trust this person. And there’s other situations where, oh, I don’t know, if you go into a taxi, you don’t know the taxi driver. And in that moment, you trust that this person is not going to crash the car, and you’re trusting that person is going to safely take you to where you want to go, even though they’re a stranger. So you’re granting them trust. So when it comes to your body, because you haven’t, you haven’t really trusted your body. Because you’ve been taught your body’s not a good place. It’s not okay. It’s not acceptable. I can trust my body when it’s good. I can trust my body when it weighs less or I can trust my body when it has no symptoms.

So, learning to trust your body is really granting your body trust. But more than that, it’s granting your life more trust, meaning, even if I eat a food and get up bad MS symptom, I’m going to trust that I’m not going to attack myself. Because really the problem is the self attack. Yeah, the symptoms are not fun. But part of what you’re learning is to stand by yourself. Even though you’re in pain, even though oh, this food might have caused a symptom, maybe it did, maybe it didn’t, we don’t know for sure, sometimes. So, I’m just going to trust myself, I’m going to trust my life, that I’m doing my best. And self attacking, doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t help. It doesn’t make anything better.

Criticizing doesn’t make anything better. And doubting your life doesn’t make anything better, you’re doing your best to read your body and to understand what to eat. So you do your best, and you’re not always going to be perfect. Sometimes you’re going to have sugar. So you forgive yourself. And then you move on with your day. So it’s you learning how to be a good mother to yourself. If you’re a good mother to yourself, you would love you exactly as you are. A good mother would say, you’re fine, I love you. And if you have a problem or a challenge, I’m going to stand by you, I’m not going to criticize you. I’m not going to kick you out of the house, I’m not going to hate you. I’m not going to tell you, I’ll only love you if you lose weight or if you’re perfect. That’s not what a good mother would say to a child.

Arminé
I’m actually my mom at the end as well, before this happened. So I was like 48. And we would FaceTime every day we’re very close. I’m an only child, so very close to her. And she would ring and she would say Oh my baby and she would be so, and I’m like who you know, that’s something coming from a mom to a 48 year old woman. You could always feel the love even with everything. I’ve never, you know, thought that she didn’t you know, she’s always she was the best mom.

Marc David
Yes, it’s hard to lose that.

Arminé
Giving it to myself is difficult. I remember when I was 13, so hormonal, I started writing everywhere, even on the blackboard in school, I hate myself. So somewhere just already started. And then in the years, it’s always been, you know. I’m much much better. I’ve taken a lot of gaslighting from others and stuff. And now, I’ve been able to put certain relationships aside and be you know, come and get out of things. But yeah, I think the food part, there’s another thing, it’s like, my husband couldn’t care less about food. But obviously he needs to eat and he needs to eat healthy, because it’s always been worried about him. And this creates a big problem in our house as well. That’s why I’m constantly thinking about food and what to do, because I’m making something he doesn’t want. I mean, I’m making everything. But then he’ll say, you know, he doesn’t like to have the same thing every day. And then we both had COVID In the beginning of January. And his was very bad, he was hospitalized. We nearly lost him. But thankfully he’s fine now. But then he’s lost the sense of smell and taste as well. So that doesn’t help. So now it’s all about like texture as well. So that puts a lot of pressure every day, I have to think about food, he will clean, he will do everything, but he just does not like cooking baking at all. So I’m the one. So that’s another thing that kind of does frustrate me a lot. So apart from listening to my own body it’s thinking about food all the time as well. That’s just….

Marc David
And that might be an interesting conversation to have with him where you’re just very honest. And letting him know the impact that this part of the relationship has on you. You care about him. You love him you care enough…

Arminé
He knows!

Marc David
So, for you, what are you taking away from this conversation?

Arminé
Just something I knew but you’re kind of making it more but that I need to take care of myself. I need to love myself. It’s funny. I’ll tell you something that might make you laugh. Because I’ve been listening to all the podcasts and every time you say but the Queen and I’m like, in my head a queen has somebody who cooks for them. So that’s funny. You know, nothing bad. Because I do feel much more secure within myself, I mean with how I look and how I am. Honestly, I keep thinking, I wish I’d lost this, this happened 10 years ago, when I had the shop, I was out, I had friends. Now I’m happier, yes, I look much nicer, but I’m happy that I’m feeling lighter and I can do things. Otherwise, I had already got to the stage where I was kind of thinking, this is the body I have, and I need to kind of honor it. And it’s fine. Of course, as you’re saying, it’s something always in your head. So you’re never going to be thin enough in your head, but I am happy to stay, you know, just kind of to be at peace where I am. And, you know, it’s fine.

It’s just that these thoughts are there, and you’re right, just, I know that if I just put the music and dance just for five minutes, 10 minutes, what a difference it makes to me. I just lift. I love watching funny stuff. I’m always into like, positive happy, funny stuff, but it just doesn’t go like that all the time. And when my mom passed away found away interestingly, I was able to concentrate on myself don’t dramatize. Because every time I was starting to think, Oh, she would never see this show, I will say don’t dramatize. You know, just take it one day at a time, you know. This is life. And it helped me a lot but I can’t do it when it comes to me. Just stop it, you know..

Marc David
So you’re learning how to do it when it comes to you. You’re learning. And it’s never too late to learn. That’s the beauty of life. You could be 50, 60 70, 80, 90 years old, and still be learning. So you’re learning how to quiet the voices in your mind. You’re learning how to set those voices aside and not give them attention. There’s certain things we give our attention to there’s certain things we choose not to give our attention to. Certain TV shows I watch, certain TV shows I don’t watch. Certain music, I listen to, some I don’t.

So we choose what we give our attention to. And when it comes to unwanted thoughts, then it becomes a practice then it becomes something you put your intention into. It’s difficult. Because it’s difficult to harness the mind. But that’s our job. If we wish to be happy, you wish to have the best experience of your body, then just like you need to attend to your finances or just like you need to attend to, you know, your nutrition, we need to attend to the conversation in the head. So, you’re learning how to do that. And this is a great time to learn it and a great time to feel the benefits of it. Because like I said, Here you are, you’re 51 and as much as there’s been so much difficulty, there’s also a lot of things to be thankful for.

Arminé
Yes!

Marc David
And you’ve come a long way in your life. And, you know, especially when it comes to a parent that has just passed I always like to think you know, especially if you feel close to them then how can I honor their memory? Who can I be?

Arminé
She was so outgoing. She was always doing stuff for others but also being part of different clubs and that’s the kind of person she was. And I’m thinking, I should be, I’m a people person as well. I’m more like her. My dad was always at work and never in the scene but she was. So yes, and thank you so much for the podcast as well. I was gonna say every time I listen to a podcast, I learn something. I remember a few podcasts back you were talking with somebody about eating a lot of sweets or chocolate and you’re saying that could be a sign of lacking love. And that’s what I’ve been thinking maybe that’s why I’ve been craving a lot of sweets and I a few months ago I had a blood test and the doctor said your sugar is very low. Because I was worried. I’m eating so much sugar, what’s going to happen? Is there something going on? And then she said actually it’s quite low your sugar. That’s very weird. But yeah, learning. The first time I started listening to your podcast again, after my operation, my husband was like, you’ve lost the weight. Why are you still listening? I said, it doesn’t have anything to do with weight loss? I learn every single time because it’s psychological. And I know it is.

Marc David
Well, I’m so glad Arminé. I really appreciate our conversation. I’m glad we got to do this together. Thank you so much.

Arminé
Thank you so much for everything that you do.

Marc David
You take care. All right, thank you so much. Thanks everybody for tuning in

Arminé
Thank you.