The Hidden Wisdom of Emotional Eating

If you’ve ever experienced emotional eating, you probably thought of it as a “problem.” Most of the messages we get out there talk about it as something to fight against and overcome.

But, what if I told you that what you’ve learned about emotional eating is all wrong? What if I told you that emotional eating is not a problem to fix or fight? What if I told you that emotional eating is actually a gift – an opportunity to discover a deeper personal wisdom and become your best self ?

Most conventional messages we’re bombarded with day in and day out would have us believe that any issues we have with weight, food or eating are signs of low self control, lack of motivation, or even self sabotage. 

Have you been thinking that there’s something wrong with you?

If you’ve ever felt challenged when it comes to eating the way that you say you want to eat, you might have even been fully aware at the time that you were breaking your own rules. But, chances are good that you also felt that, despite “knowing better”, you still couldn’t force yourself to make a better choice.

The conclusion that so many of us make when we can’t change our unwanted eating habits, or stop our unwanted emotional eating, is that something must be wrong with us. We’re weak, or lazy. Or, worse, we’re broken and we need to be fixed.

The most frequently suggested fix for emotional eating is to “find more willpower.” Just have more self control. But using willpower to overcome our urge to eat is never a successful long term strategy. If you’ve been faced with emotional eating, then you know this to be true.

Of course, it would be easy to think, “Well, if all I need is simply more willpower, and yet I just can’t seem to find any, then I must be a loser. I should be ashamed. I should hide. I should feel guilty.” 

The net result of all this is a kind of self-attack and a feeling of being stuck and maybe even hopeless.

But, there’s a better way.

There’s a better way to find freedom with food and to transform emotional eating than treating it as a battle. There’s a more effective path than the path of self-blame and shame. 

Finding this better path requires a deeper dive beyond just the surface of the “problem.” It requires being willing to pause, look inward, and ask some new questions. It also takes a bit of practice. But, it leads to a hidden treasure of personal wisdom, self-compassion, and freedom with food.

So let’s look at what a deeper understanding of emotional eating can be, and how we can use this new awareness to have the kind of relationship with food that leaves us free of worry, and free with food.

Rather than seeing emotional eating as the enemy, an invader that we must fight to the death, let’s imagine for a moment that emotional eating is a gift.

Imagine it’s something in our life that’s here to help us. Imagine that emotional eating isn’t really the problem at all, but intrinsically, it’s a solution. Specifically: 

Emotional eating is not a problem. It’s a solution –  a solution to the problem of how we manage unwanted emotions.

Emotional Eating is Not About Eating

Emotional eating is the act of turning to food to regulate our unwanted or uncomfortable feelings. Some feelings we like, others we don’t. We enjoy feelings of happiness, celebration, success, love, clarity and others. We tend to not enjoy feelings of anxiety, stress, anger, disappointment, depression, and others. So, when we experience emotions we don’t like, one of the quickest ways to seemingly get rid of them is to turn to food. Food is the solution. Eating to soothe our emotions is a solution.

In other words, emotional eating is inherently a solution to the problem called “uncomfortable emotions that I don’t like and I don’t know how to deal with in a healthy and wise way.”

And yet, when faced with the consequences of emotional eating (like weight gain, heartburn, guilt and shame) we tend to focus on the second word–eating–when we should focus on the first word–emotional.

Emotions (and food) are a gift

Emotional eating is a hidden source of personal wisdom. It’s pointing us towards the place where the real action is, the place in our life where we need to learn, grow and mature. And that place is the emotional realm. 

If you’re alive on planet Earth, then a huge aspect of being here is to experience the full range of human emotions. We feel love. We have pains and disappointments. We have loss and grief. We have traumas. We have successes. We have passion and pleasure. We have hopes and dreams. This is the nature of life. We are emotional beings on an emotional journey. This is what makes life beautiful.

Emotions can also be what make life challenging. 

At a very young age, in our infancy, when we don’t yet have any emotional regulation skills, we learn that food makes us feel good. It helps us feel grounded, secure, nourished, pleasured and safe. Deep within our cellular and ancestral memory, we have the knowing that if we feel bad and we eat food, we’ll quickly feel better.

Food is a gift that not only sustains and nourishes us, but also brings us pleasure and safety. Sometimes, eating to regulate and manage our emotions is a fine strategy. Eat your favorite food and you feel better. Have a bad day at work, come home, have a nice meal, and you feel better. Feel alone and isolated, go out with a friend for some ice cream, and you feel better. 

Food is not bad. 

Emotions are not bad.

Emotional eating is not a crime. It’s natural. It’s inborn. We are emotional beings. 

But, emotional eating can also become problematic when turning to food continues to be our main source of emotional regulation as we mature. Emotional eating leads us into a difficult neighborhood when we rely on it to such a degree that we forget other ways to soothe our uncomfortable feelings. We forget that we can turn to friends, loved ones, our partner, our pet, music, movement, exercise, dance, fun, giving to others, creating art and beauty, being outdoors, experiencing nature, singing, or sharing our passions and talents with the world.

When you find yourself challenged by emotional eating, stress eating, food worry and related eating issues, consider that the uncomfortable emotion has surfaced for a reason. It’s a messenger. It is asking you to direct your gaze to an area in your life that needs some attention. 

What is Emotional Eating Asking of You?

The answer to this question is different for everyone. But, here are just two ways in which emotional eating can be a source of hidden wisdom:

1. A reminder to seek alternatives to food for regulating emotion:
   
   Remember, emotional eating becomes problematic when it’s our main strategy, or our only strategy to regulate our many human emotions. Ask yourself, “what else?” What else can I do that helps me have a healthier emotional metabolism? How else can I soothe my emotional world?

Quick Exercise:

Take some time and create a list of all the things you can do that help you feel good about yourself, that help ground and soothe you, activities or practices or experiences that bring you some peace, or fun, or calmness. For example:

• reaching out to friends, loved ones, or our partner 
• listening to music
• any kind of dance, movement, exercise that you love 
• watching inspiring videos, reading inspiring books
• giving to or serving others 
• creating art and beauty
• spending time outdoors 
• And so much more.

Choose one thing you could do today to help regulate uncomfortable emotions, besides turning to food.

2. A sign that we’re hungering to fulfill our best potential.
   
   What we need most is to follow our dreams, our passions, discover and cultivate our gifts, and to share them with the world. So rather than focusing on our emotional eating as if that’s the problem – remember, it’s the solution – we focus on living our best life and being our best self. Take more risks. Speak your mind and heart. Show up in love. Uplift others. Be your best self.
   

Quick Exercise:

Take 10-15 minutes to write out, by hand, answers to the following questions:

• In what ways are you feeling like you are falling short of your potential?
• Name one activity you could do this week to improve or express yourself. 
• Is there anything that you know you want to do, but have avoided because you are afraid? What would you do today if you weren’t afraid?
• Is there something you need to say to someone that you’ve been keeping to yourself? 

Choose one thing from the exercise above to challenge yourself to do this week. (Bonus: tell us about your experience after you try it!)

Thank you for taking time to read this article. We’re only just scratching the surface. If you’re interested in learning more about emotional eating and finally finding freedom with food, or if you’d like some deeper wisdom and guidance in your emotional eating journey, take a look at our new self-guided, 4-part, online course: The Emotional Eating Breakthrough. This transformational experience is designed to help you finally find peace with food. You’ll learn from the originator of the field of Eating Psychology, Marc David – and you’ll be guided through a true mind, body, heart and soul approach combining the best of psychology, science, and personal development. The powerful tools and techniques you’ll discover in the program address the root cause of why we emotionally eat, forever changing your relationship with food.