The Psychology of Eating Podcast Episode 95: Follow Up – Overcoming The Fear of Fat

Micaire is wanting to have a baby, but she’s afraid that she will forever lose the fit, toned, and well exercised body she’s worked so hard to achieve. Micaire is a Chiropractor, has lots of nutrition knowledge, and knows how to take care of herself, yet her concerns around gaining weight and having stretch marks on her body are getting in the way of starting a family. She wants to figure out this conundrum, but simply doesn’t know how. In Micaire’s first session, Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, gave her some direct, potent, and memorable insights and suggestions to help Micaire move forward and embrace a bigger destiny. Tune in now as Marc does a follow-up session with Micaire. You’ll get a chance to see how she’s progressed since her first session, and the results are heart-warming!

Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:

To see Micaire’s first session with Marc, click here

Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And here we are the Psychology of Eating podcast. And I’m here with Micaire today. Welcome, Micaire.

Micaire: Hi, Marc. Thanks for having me back!

Marc: Yay! I’m glad we’re here. For those of you who are new to the podcast or returning guests and visitors, we had a session many months ago. We were trying to figure out when. It was about seven or eight months ago. And this is a follow-up to see how’s life been? How are you doing? And why don’t you fill us in on the key piece that you had originally wanted to work on with me?

Micaire: Yeah. Of course. I was interested in talking to Marc about some of my concerns about changes that would come after pregnancy with my body. So I’ve sort of always been obsessed with having a six pack. I don’t right now. But I wondered would I be able to handle the changes that come from having a baby.

Marc: Yeah, which is pretty intense for a lot of women because you’re surrendering your body to this experience. Putting aside the intensity of the birth process for a moment, which is crazy, it’s this miraculous, how does that happen? And then, “Oh, my goodness. Is my body going to recover? Am I going to lose the weight? Am I going to get back to where it used to be?” So completely understandable. So I’m just wondering from your point of view how has it been since our conversation? Where have you been at? Anything useful come out of it for you?

Micaire: Yeah, of course! So one of my homework assignments from our last session was to talk to my partner, who is now my fiancé.

Marc: Yay, congrats!

Micaire: About wanting to have a baby. So he is totally on board. He’s super excited. And we’ve been trying. And actually after our first time, I did get pregnant. I had a really early miscarriage. So that was not the most enjoyable process. But it was a good opening to, “Oh, this is coming. And this is coming soon. So get your stuff together. Line up what’s going to happen professionally. Prepare what you need to feel prepared for as far as reading or talking with other moms or establishing a network of new moms to support you after you have a baby.”

What else happened? This summer I also had my 14-year-old stepson here for two months and got to step into that role of bonus mom. So that was really neat. And we had a great time together.

Marc: Wow. So you’re jumping in. You’re jumping into the pool here, which means on some part, some part of you is ready to just trust yourself, trust your body, trust life, it sounds like.

Micaire: Yeah. And I think one of the other things we had talked about in the initial session was—well, this has come up through the past several months—was letting go of control because apparently I’m very tight scheduled and a little meticulous, although I view myself as very spontaneous. So it was shocking to get some feedback from friends about, “When you have a baby, you have to just go with it and release total control.” I’m like, “Oh! This is a concept that I’m going to need some work with.”

Marc: Isn’t it true, though, that the part of us that likes control, that’s the control junkie, the control freak, or just that’s how we do it, some of us, that’s just her personality. We like to be in charge. And there always seems to be these places in life that will step up to challenge that. You know?

Micaire: Mmm hmm.

Marc: And this is surely one of them because this is an area in life having a child where you’re going to have to give up control pretty much across the board. Would you agree just in terms of your schedule common terms of moment to moment, in terms of giving up control, in terms of, “Okay, here’s my body. And you’re going to be living in it for nine months.”

Micaire: And then on it for another year! [Laughs]

Marc: Right, right.

Micaire: Or longer.

Marc: So it feels like from our conversation, it sounds like you took the ball and ran with it and went right into a conversation with your now-fiancé. And here you are on the babymaking program.

Micaire: Yes!

Marc: So you said to me, the early miscarriage, which is never easy, made you look at some things or learn some things. I’m wondering what else? Does that experience make you want to have a child more?

Micaire: I guess the way the timing worked, I thought I would have a little more prep time. But, like I said, it was the first time that we were like, “Oh, let’s do this!” So it’s sort of bringing up some fears because in my first marriage, I had a miscarriage then, as well.

So my fears are now switching to not so much concerned about what physical changes will happen to my body. But now I’m like, “Oh, I never even considered maybe I can’t do this. Maybe I can’t take the baby full term. So that’s a whole nother realm of fears and wonderment.

Marc: Yeah. Yeah, and yet again it’s this whole other surrender of, “Okay, the only way we’re going to know is to do it and to go through it.” And, to me, it’s the kind of fear that goes to a primal place. I’ve spoken to guys who are not sure that from their end because of their sperm count and what’s going on in their body, they’re not sure if they can have the baby, situations where she’s not sure if she can carry the baby. And that gets right to the core of like, “Wow. We do everything we can do. And then we just have to let go and watch what occurs.”

Micaire: Right.

Marc: What helps you do that? What helps you have the strength to face that?

Micaire: I think with most things in my life that I really don’t buy into the fear and the negative “what if” factors. I’m always looking at the positive kind of person. Realistic, but also I’m not going to buy into the media hype of all the bad things that could happen.

One of my health professionals that I didn’t seek counsel from is my acupuncturist, who is the biggest food Nazi that I have ever met. So she’s like, “Micaire, dairy is poison for you. Then next on the list is gluten.” And I’m a recovering Paleo fanatic or neurotic self-proclaimed chef.

And over the summer with a 14-year-old who is very picky, I had to surrender to, “All right, what is this kid going to eat? I’m going to stock the fridge with fat.” And I’m just sort of been on my own nutrition rules so that we can all eat peaceably together. So I definitely ate more junk food this summer than I have in a really long time.

So I think there’s a little bit of guilt because that seed was planted from the acupuncturist of, “Oh, man. Maybe it was my nutrition at the time that caused the miscarriage.” So I’m still processing that one.

Marc: Yeah. So we can never know. We can never know for sure about these things. And that’s just my opinion. I’m going to suggest the sooner you can let go of that, the better.

Micaire: It wasn’t the ice cream!

Marc: Yeah, there have been most likely hundreds and hundreds of millions of people around the globe, if not more, who have gotten pregnant and carried babies who have been eating far worse! Way far worse.

Micaire: Or not at all.

Marc: Right, or not at all. Exactly. So the human body is unbelievably resilient in this regard. I’m wondering for you if looking into the future and being pregnant, do you have a gut feeling? Do you have an instinct? Do you have an intuition of what’s going to happen for yourself?

Micaire: As far as?

Marc: As far as getting pregnant, as far as having a baby, as far as getting through the fears of, “Can I do this? Can this actually happen? Can I carry a baby?” Do you have a gut feeling?

Micaire: Yeah, I think it’s two thumbs up.
Marc: All right. I’m glad to hear that. I think it counts for something. I really do because in a way it’s used stepping into just a place more of trust. And I
would like to say that trust, on another level, is saying deep relaxation response. When we’re coming from a place of trust, with significantly more relaxed.

And when we are more relaxed, we are more in relaxation physiology. And when we’re in more relaxation physiology, we are more in the genetic and evolutionary place where reproduction actually happens. We do know that under very intense survival conditions, the human body is less apt to want to be pregnant and carry a baby… Creatures want to carry a baby when the environment is supporting it because it takes a lot of energy.

So we don’t want to continue the species when there’s no food around. We don’t want to continue the species when we’re running from the lions. And when we are in a constant stress states… And that stressed it could mean, “I hate myself. I hate my life.” It could mean a lot of things going on in your life. But it could be all the self-chosen stuff that goes on inside our heads. I just think that the more we can give the body the signal that you are safe, the more it will function as if we are safe.

Micaire: That’s true. And I’ve taken out some extra things that I was doing at the office where I would stay there on a day that was supposed to be my afternoon off to do a group meeting that would go until 9 o’clock at night. So I cut that out with my partner’s suggestion. My partner was like, “Maybe take some stuff off your plate. And things will flow more easily for you.” So I was like, “Oh, yes. Thanks. Thanks for that reminder.”

And then while my stepson was here, I’ve been taking Tuesdays off. And I might just keep it this way.

Marc: All righty. Good for you. Well, I’m impressed. When we first met, you were a bit on the fence about what having a baby would mean and especially what it means to me in my body. And for those of us who have been into my fitness, my health, my physique, yeah, we don’t want anything messing with that.

And I think there’s just a certain maturing process that has to happen in order to go there, in order to go there and say, “Okay, I’m going to surrender my body.” And in a sense it’s not yours anymore fully. I think that’s part of the transition that so many of us need to make. And this is not just when it comes to having a baby. Being a parent, you’re kind of surrendering your body a little bit more. Your energy goes to your family.

If you do your job and your profession, you’re surrendering your body a little bit in service to work. We’re always giving a little piece of ourselves to whatever we’re doing, whether it’s a sport that we do. Whatever it is, we’re surrendering ourselves to it. And I don’t know, I think there’s a good kind of spiritual growth in that that it’s not just my body that’s here for good looks. It’s meant for other things, as well. And sometimes we just have to get down with that and be okay with it.

Micaire: That just reminded me of a really amazing affirmation that was given to me by my partner. I think part of the struggle not only is what physical changes going to happen to my body, but how I define myself professionally is going to have to change. I do have to admit that I get a lot of value in my chosen profession, a lot of self-worth from that.

So as a mom, I’m not going to be working full time and will want to take a step back from that. And I said to him one night probably sobbing, like, “What if I just want to be a stay-at-home mom?” And he’s like, “Okay!” Without even logistically or financially, without a worry in his mind, he’s like, “Babe, do what makes you happy.” And then I was like [gasps]. “It was that easy?”

And I don’t know. I think I will want to keep a piece of my professional service for sure. But I definitely want to be available to my family first. That’s my top value. But I was like, “Oh, wow. That unconditional love felt really good.”

Marc: Well, good for you! I’m happy for you that you’ve chosen this journey for yourself. And I think it’s the right choice because it’s a choice you’ve wanted to make. And you just had some fears in the way. And it’s legitimate. Sometimes you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. And, to me, that’s what you’re doing. So congratulations and all the best. And I so hope it works out. And I have a good feeling it will for you.

Micaire: Thank you.

Marc: Okay, thank you, Micaire. Thanks for being willing to share so openly.
Micaire: Yes, my pleasure.

Marc: Yeah. And thanks, everybody, for tuning in. Thank you for being so willing to participate in this conversation so openly and to get value from it and to just participate in a whole different way of seeing food, body, and health.

So once again, I’ve been with Micaire. I’m Mark David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Lots more to come, my friends.