The Secret to Fixing Any Unwanted Eating Issue


For so many years, I’ve been a professional fanatic when it comes to self-help and personal growth. I think it’s done me some good – but I could surely recall a time when I was convinced I was broken. This was a reasonable diagnosis to make, especially given that I came across all sorts of practitioners and experts who were making a good living telling people they were indeed broken, and offering every manner of fascinating diets, pills, potions, prayers, past life therapy, and even a psychic reading given by an alien channeled from a far off galaxy.

Honestly, the alien was the most helpful of all, but the biggest personal shift in my life came when I discovered one day – and I’m not quite sure how – that I wasn’t broken. Yes, I still had my flaws and warts and an ugly car, but deep within, I was whole. The Buddhists were right. And since then, my life has been a lot sunnier.

So, allow me to translate this into some proper professional jargon: whether you’re working on self, working with clients, or looking to better support the people in your life, consider this as a prerequisite for deep and lasting healing of any kind –

Let go of the “FIX”

Fixing comes from very good intentions to help, to heal, and to serve. It seems so simple – if it’s broke, then fix the darned thing. And yet, I’ve noticed over the years that the assumption that a human is inherently broken and needs to fixed is the single quickest way to halt healing and lock in unwanted behaviors, or symptoms. Of course, you might be thinking, “What! Isn’t it our job to fix our clients, to improve ourselves, to provide solutions for those in need? Isn’t the whole point to fix our health and our emotional challenges?”

Well, yes – and no. In other words, I believe this is a very sexy paradox that’s worth exploring. For sure, I want my client to be better and happier. And yes, there’s a part of me that absolutely wants to fix my client. At the same time, no matter what concerns my client presents, there is absolutely nothing to “fix”. Meaning, we are not truly “broken.” Being broken implies a sense of being defeated, being un-whole, tainted, and having an essence that is unlovable and worthy of shame. One can have cancer and still be a whole human being who is dealing with cancer. One can have a drug addiction and still be a whole human who is journeying through such a powerful challenge.

I meet far too many people who are waiting to live their life, to be “the real me”, to finally show up in all their glory – once they are fixed. In the meantime, they search for diets or therapies or answers from the experts, and live a life that’s “not my real life – not yet – not until I’m fixed.” I hope you can see the nuances here.

 The antidote to fixing is to remember our wholeness, even in the face of our greatest challenges and ailments.

So yes, fix things when they truly have a solution.

But let’s remember that when it comes to healing, our symptoms and negative behaviors don’t want to be fixed, they want to be heard. They want to have space. They want to be honored and explored in their complexity, and in their divinity. From this space of radical acceptance, unconditional love, and genuine curiosity, magic happens.

So, the best way to fix any eating issues is simply this: Don’t fix it.
 
In our professional trainings at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, we explore these deeper dimensions of health and eating issues. Our students develop the much-needed skills to access their intuition, engage with their clients in a meaningful way, and walk confidently with others in their healing journey. So if you’re looking to deepen your professional skills with clients, or launch a new career, or take your relationship with food and body to a whole new level, you’re a great candidate for our Eating Psychology Coach Certification Training.

I hope you can join me.

Warmest regards,
Marc David
Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating
© Institute For The Psychology of Eating, All Rights Reserved, 2014

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  • Danette Carter

    Wow. This is GREAT. Thank you so much.

  • Christine

    This was super helpful, thank you!

  • amarja

    hi marc. here’s the voice from amsterdam again… I love your blog. It IS such a relief that sense of being whole, unbroken, I remember the first time I felt that was when I was about 25 or so and in a painful place, in many areas of my life and I did a dis-identificzation excercise, and discovered that under all the turmoil was this shiny egg like place that was luminous and not broken, not diveded, whole. What a good place to be.!!!!!

    Considering your program, a limiting belief I do have to admit to, is that I can’t help people lose weight until I have… so be physically perfect and THEN… I know it’s silly but it does block me… As if being at home in your body ain’t good enough…

    • KarnaN

      Hi Amarja,

      Karna here – Director of Student Relations at IPE. Thank you for sharing your beautiful moment of truth! Yes, I can so relate to that belief. I used to think that as well, after going through Marc’s program I realized I was just playing small, and was acting from a place of fear. And when I opened up to the possibility that I could help people event though I wasn’t “perfect” I attracted the exact clients that have now benefited tremendously from working with me… I hope I will have the privilege of “meeting” you in our Program.

      Warm regards,

      Karna

    • cara

      amarja – i also have felt (and still do at times) that i need to ‘fix’ myself (i.e. lose weight) before i can teach others, even though i have a lot of wonderful knowledge to share with people. i decided to volunteer to teach a plant based cooking class series and it was such a thrill to be doing what i love to do without yet being ‘perfect’. i still feel pressure (internal) to look the part before i teach what i know even though that isn’t fair to me or to the people i could be helping. best to you!

  • http://www.zoewaggoner.com Zoe Waggoner

    Thank you. Loving, compassionate information. We are not broken.

  • KarnaN

    Hi,

    Marc asked me to write you all and thank you for your kind words! We so appreciate your support and that you take the time to read Marc’s articles.

    Warm regards,
    Karna Nau
    Director of Student Relations at The Institute for the Psychology of Eating

  • http://wildbliss.com Cara Wilde

    Hi there,

    I’m one of those people who channel a strange alien from a far off galaxy Truly I am :-) Not offended and I hope that your reading was useful :-)

    I think you make a beautiful point and it’s as though we have to walk with a foot in both worlds. One foot in the world of our wholeness and innocence and the other foot in the world of misunderstandings and limitations. It’s a balance that we can have as a light awareness daily.
    Thanks for the love
    Hugs
    Cara

    • Marc David

      Hi Cara,

      Your words are beautiful and very true.
      Thank you for emphasizing the paradox of being able to embrace all of who we are, light and dark.

      Warm regards,

      Marc David

  • http://emersonandtolle.blogspot.com Colleen Loehr

    Great article Marc! Thank you so much. I am still enjoying deep benefits from the powerful workshop you gave at Omega last summer. Namaste.

    • Marc David

      Hi Colleen,

      So great to hear that Omega was deeply transformative for you.
      I am grateful for your participation in the workshop and hope our paths will cross again one day.

      Warm regards,

      Marc David

  • Karen

    “But let’s remember that when it comes to healing, our symptoms and negative behaviors don’t want to be fixed, they want to be heard. They want to have space. They want to be honored and explored in their complexity, and in their divinity.”

    They just want to be heard. Such a powerful truth. Thanks for the much needed reminder.
    Best, Karen

  • eva elliott

    What is your opinion of Geneen Roth’s book about. Women Food and God.

    • http://psychologyofeating.com/ Marc David

      Hi Eva,

      I love her work. She is an icon in the field and always has some useful nuggets of wisdom.
      What’s your opinion of her book?

      Best
      Marc David

About The Author
Marc David
Founder

Marc David is the Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, a leading visionary, teacher and consultant in Nutritional Psychology, and the author of the classic and best-selling works Nourishing Wisdom and The Slow Down Diet.

His work has been featured on CNN, NBC and numerous media outlets. His books have been translated into over 10 languages, and his approach appeals to a wide audience of eaters who are looking for fresh, inspiring and innovative messages about food, body and soul.

He lectures internationally, and has held senior consulting positions at Canyon Ranch Resorts, the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, the Johnson & Johnson Corporation, and the Disney Company. Marc is also the co-founder of the Institute for Conscious Sexuality and Relationship.